Love You Through It
by CrazyBeCat
Summary: One mistake... One Discovery... One Choice... Two Words... One Fight... will change their world forever. Both handling the situation differently, both realizing something they had never truly felt before... will they be able to survive Kate being pregnant
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: All right, to all of you who are wondering why I haven't updated either of my other two stories (_Damaged Soul_ doesn't count, so only _Love Me Forever_ and _Bullet Through His Head_) DON'T WORRY, I HAVE NOT FORGOTTEN! For LMF, I've run into a little roadblock when I realized that Ch. 27 totally screwed with the plot. I love it though, and so it's been hard for me to go back and totally redo the chapter, but I'm working on it. Then, I've had some major writer's block for BTHH, and I don't know where to go… so I'm sorry to say that right now I'm not sure when either will be updated, but I swear to you all that they will be.**  
><strong>Here is a new story, that hopefully you all will enjoy, and help to hold you over till I get the others updated again.<strong>

**'_Love You Through It'_ comes from the title (not all of the title) of a song by Martina McBride (_I'm Gonna Love You Through It_), and even though it's about fighting cancer, there are many parts in the song that remind me of the Caskett relationship (in the show, and in this FanFic). The song is about loving someone through a hard time (cancer specifically, but that's a hard thing to deal with), and being there for the person, and that's exactly what Castle does in this story, and even what Kate does as well. Listen to the song, and I think you'll get a better idea of what I'm trying to say. It's such a beautiful song, and I felt that the title worked 100% for this Fic.**  
><strong>I truly hope you enjoy it.<strong>  
><strong>The first chapter is nice and pretty long. :)<strong>

**Also, I won't be (personally) titling these chapters, but if you have a brilliant chapter title, go ahead and tell me in a comment, and I may change the title to what you came up with. :) If it comes from a song, or a quote or something, tell me so I can post that too (and I'll make a reference in a note who came up with the title)**

**Love lots,**

**And I'm sorry that I haven't been able to update my other stories, but I haven't forgotten them and won't ever forget them. And, I'm really busy, so updating ANYTHING is going to be slow, and I wish it wasn't, but I can't change how much homework my teachers give me. :( Even though I wish I could…. So yea, updating will be slow, but I hope that you understand.**

**Love lots!**

**Merry Christmas, and Happy Hanukah, and any other holiday… or otherwise.**

**CrazyBeCat**

**Oh!**

**P.S.**  
><strong>I made a trailer for this fic, Castle FanFiction Trailer [Love you Through It] (http: www. youtube .com/watch?v=n5-WA_FCjYM&feature=g-upl&context=G2da0231AUAAAAAAAAAA),watch it and tell me what you think! :D (without the spaces in the url... so make sure you don't put the spaces in)**

**Now, ON TO THE STORY… for you amazing people who actually read this whole freaking author's note. I love you soooo much! :D**

**Oh, no wait! One last thing: as this chapter progresses it gets to be a little boring, but trust me IT WILL PICK UP IN THE SECOND CHAPTER! (and so on)**  
><strong>OK, NOW onto the story! XD<strong>

**I hope you enjoy it, and leave me a comment, and spread the word to others.**

**Ok, ONE FINAL THING…**  
><strong>Again, I'm so, so terribly sorry that everything has been really slow… but it's not all homework, I must confess… there's some other… stuff… going on as well, like my grandmother breaking her hip, my cousin putting a bullet through his head, my uncle doing some things he shouldn't with money that isn't his, my grades falling, my shoulder getting dislocated… etc etc, and so on, and so on… so please believe me when I say that I'm trying my absolute hardest to get new chapters finished and posted, and that I'm truly sorry it's taking so freaking long.<strong>

**Love you all.**  
><strong>Now finally onto the story.<strong>

* * *

><p>Ch.1<p>

Kate smiled drunkenly as she looped her arm underneath Rick's, "Hhmm… that wassss a good date."

"That… was undercoverrrr, remember ssssilly?" Rick laughed as he pressed his finger to her nose.

She snarled sexually and nipped at his finger, "You sure… abbbbbout that?" She asked teasingly, stretching on her tiptoes to bring her lips closer to his.

"Nnnope," he slurred slightly, taking a step closer, wrapping his arms around her waist. They both laughed as he tripped, and they toppled to the ground in a pile of giggly, hot, drunkenness.

They had spent hours at the bar, drinking with a suspect to get him talking, it had worked... almost…. They had gotten the information that they wanted, just not needed. The man was being scratched from their list…. Well, so long as they remembered to do so in the morning. Every time they ordered another round of drinks, each could feel their heart sink a little deeper, somehow feeling that something would go wrong, but neither were sure what, until the man declared that where he was wasn't close enough to the murder scene for him to have done it in time and been back for the speech he had to make at work. Both were crushed, and saying their adieus were now lying in a heap on the asphalt, so close together they could feel the heat radiating from the other.

"Then it wassss… a date," Beckett reached up and nipped at the nape of Castle's neck, causing him to groan, which in turn caused a sexy smile tug at her lips.

"Hhmm… Beck…ett, I guess it wassss-sss a date."

"Then let's take it hommme… forrrrr the after parrrr-rrrty," she brushed her hips against his and he groaned again, causing her to giggle drunkenly and bury her face into his broad shoulder as she whispered, "The soon-er we get-tt the cabbbb… the soonerrrrr we can ge-ttt ba'k… to you-rrrr lo-oft."

He rolled off of her slightly, paying no heed to the heat that was building up, and stood, pulling her with him, "Then the cabbbb awaits… m'lady," he whistled loudly, and as the waiting cab drove up, Castle bowed as gracefully as an insanely intoxicated man could, and attempted to assist her into the car.

"Hmm, gentlemanly…" she growled softly under her breath, into his ear, as he got it behind her, "I like," she hiccupped, "it."

"I'll keep that… in mind… Detective," he waggled his eyebrows and she rested her head against his shoulder running her hand up and down his thigh, smiling as he huffed against the building heat in his nether region, from her sexy, slender fingers dancing across his leg… closer, ever closer… her grin turned sly and she slowed her hand as it came to his hip, and she turned to start massaging the inside of his thigh, centimeters away, "Hold the show Det-ec-tive," he groaned through gritted teeth, causing her to giggle again as she whispered into his ear for the second time.

"The show's-sss just gett-tting started," She nibbled at his ear lobe and he groaned… again.

Rick quickly slid from the cab and tossed a wad of cash in through the passenger window, "Keep the ch-change," he breathed as he practically tore Beckett from the car.

As the cab drove off he pulled her to him and crushed his lips to hers, causing her breath to hitch in her throat. He turned her slightly and began to walk her backwards into the wall, kissing her as he fumbled with his keys to unlock the door. Getting the door open he lifted her into his arms, their lips locked, their tongues dancing, and carried her to the elevator. He knew the building better than the back of his hand, and had no trouble getting to his loft, where he once again fumbled with the lock before pushing the door open.

Beckett pulled him through the door behind her as she removed her blouse, just barely getting it off and onto the living room floor before once again locking her lips with Castle's. Rick slipped his tongue into her mouth as one hand snaked around her back, while the other unbuckled his belt. She wrapped her own arms around him and pulled his hips to her, using one hand to remove the belt from the loops on his jeans before depositing it in a tossing motion to the back of the couch, where it slid to the floor. His fingers flitted across her hips before he found the zipper to her jeans, zipping it down before undoing the button. Kate began to unbutton his shirt as she swayed from side to side, her jeans slowly, but surely, slithering down her slender, muscular legs. She pressed kisses to his bare chest as she freed his striped shirt from over his shoulder's, dropping it to the floor along with everything else, as he moved further into the living room, kicking out of his own jeans and shoes. Castle placed his hands above her hips, pulling her closer to him as the heat continued to build, pressing butterfly kisses to her shoulder and neck.

With his jeans finally all the way off, Kate grabbed his ass, closing off the last bits of little space left between their hips, slipping down, so close to his body she was using him like a fireman's pole, she maneuvered into a crouching position as she unzipped her heels, and smiled pleasingly at the sharp intake of air she received from Castle at her hot breath so close to his package, "Hhmmm… excited are we?" Kate teased in a husky whisper as she slid back up before beginning to rotate their relocked hips in circles, causing him to groan intensely as she could feel the bulge from beneath his silky boxers getting larger.

"I have a friend… who would love to… join the party," he said hoarsely.

She laughed, releasing him from her grasp just enough so she could jump up and wrap her bare legs around his waist, using her toes to grip his sides "Lead the way," she whispered into his ear as she ran kisses across his neck and shoulder.

He placed his hands beneath her ass pulling her closer to him as he walked up the stairs, moving his head just enough to catch her lips with his, "Trust me, he's well… broken in," he said as he kicked open his bedroom door and knelt to set her atop his bed.

She smiled sexually and brought her thumb to nose level, using her index to call him to her so he was on his hands and knees above her, "I guess I'll have to take your word for it," she breathed as she began to pull down his boxers and she arched up just enough for him to unclasped her bra before moving his fingers down her sides to the brim of her thong and began to slide them from her legs.

* * *

><p>Alexis knocked softly on the door to her father's room, a disgusted look across her face as she called into the room, "Dad! Dad, come on, what you did is not right! You left your clothes all over the living room!" Getting no reply she called again, "Come on, what are you trying to do? Hide her? I know you have a woman in there, so just open up and go get your clothes!" She sighed and paused a moment, not believing what she was going to do against her better judgment and opened the door, only to find her father fast asleep… with Kate Beckett in his arms. Her eyes widened, it had been obvious her dad had brought a woman home with him… but she was not expecting to see Detective Beckett snuggled under the blankets with him… stunned she closed the door and returned to her room, rolling her eyes at the collection of clothes that were scattered all over the living room. Whatever it was that was going on… never would she be able to get the image of Beckett and her dad asleep in each others arms out of her head… and wished she hadn't opened the door, but at the same time was somewhat glad that her dad hadn't just picked someone up from a bar like he used to.<p>

Shaking her head, Alexis stuck out her tongue as she checked her clock, four in the morning… man did she hate waking up in the middle of the night. Sighing she curled back into bed and pulled her blankets up to her chin, closing her eyes, a small smile tugging at her lips.

* * *

><p>Katherine Beckett yawned as she opened her eyes, only to regret that decision as a blinding light made her head begin to pound. Closing her eyes again she groaned, her head was like lead, and someone was hitting it pretty hard. She tried to remember what had happened the night before through the persistent pounding of her head.<p>

She had… gone out on a case.

With Castle… of course… there was no way he hadn't gone with her.

Her pounding head throbbed harder and she moaned as she turned over, shading her eyes from the bright light. She mumbled to herself as she tried to bring her thoughts back to continue where she had left off.

Bar… they had gone to a bar to speak with a suspect… the suspect had given them vital information but in fact destroyed their one lead… they were basically back at square one.

Kate stretched out and jumped out of bed when she realized someone else was there, "What the-" as her eyes slowly began to take in her surrounding she sucked in a sharp, shaky breath as it became aware that she was not in her own bed… nor was she wearing any clothes. "Oh God…" Kate no longer minded the pounding in her head as her heart began to race. _How drunk was I…?_ Swallowing she inched her way back onto the bed and peered over the shoulder of the man who was still sleeping soundly, unsure of who it was… but a sick feeling overtaking her as her mind wandered to the only person it could have been.

Seeing his ruggedly handsome face she pulled back away and shivered, she had done the one thing she swore she would never do… swore that she didn't want to do… she had slept with Richard, she had most obviously had sex with Richard Castle… her heart sunk to a new low as she fought back the tears in her eyes. Kate had never wanted to let Castle have the satisfaction of sleeping with her, she had never wanted to break because she had power over him from abstaining… now she had lost that power, that control was gone. Despite the feelings of happiness she had when he was around, despite the smiles he made her lips twitch with, despite the tears he wiped from her cheeks, the sorrow he drained from her soul… she had never wanted to lose total control… had never wanted to allow their relationship to reach such a level, had always wanted to keep it platonic, regardless of how her heart skipped a beat when she saw him step from the elevator, or how she wanted to ask him to stay when he would say good night… she wanted to make certain he was the one before she even tried to step it up a notch… now there wasn't even an option of moving forward… they were as far forward as they could get….

The pounding in her head a distant nuisance in comparison to her new dilemma, she forced herself to focus as she searched the room for signs of her clothes, only to find her bra hanging limply from his desk chair… _What the hell happened?_ She sucked in a silent breath as she tiptoed across the floor and removed her bra from the chair and put it on, hooking the back. Groaning a little, she leaned over, trying not to hurl.

Taking a deep breath, Kate looked around the room again, and after several minutes was able to find her underwear without waking up Castle. _Well… at least I have my under garments._ Looking at the clock she prayed that neither of the Castle women would be awake at five thirty in the morning. Frowning slightly, she slipped into her thong before slowly opening the door and sliding out as she closed it again behind her.

Tiptoeing down the stairs her eyes grew wide at the scene before her… her clothes, and Castle's, were scattered all over the living room… _Oh God... what if someone saw them?_ She thought as she began to pick them up, praying that no one would hear her as she moved swiftly through the living room in attempt to find her clothes and get out of there as fast as she could.

After she finally located all her clothes, her shoes, her badge, and her gun, as well as returned them to where they belonged on her body, she slowly opened the front door and snuck out, closing it silently behind her before she practically ran down the hall to the elevator.

Never was she going to bring this up with Castle…

* * *

><p>Castle groaned as he awoke from a massive pounding in his head, turning over he stuck his head under his pillow, groaning again as he felt like hurling. He tried to remember what brought on such a hangover, but as he forced his brain to think the pounding only increased. Groaning again, he slowly got out of bed and hobbled to the door, leaning against it as he opened it part way, "Alexis!" He called out weakly, hoping she would hear him, "Alexis… get me a bucket and some aspirin!" A distant shout sounded and he could hear the trudging of feet down the stairs that sounded like gunshots ringing in his head.<p>

A shiver ran up his spine, and he rubbed his hands against his arms, discovering that they were bare. Confused he looked down… his eyes growing wide as he realized he wasn't wearing any clothes. His stomach churning in protest, Castle practically leapt back into his bed, pulling the blankets over him… he never slept naked unless… he'd been with a woman…. Castle shifted to look around his room, his eyes slits from how bright his room seemed. There were no signs of a woman still there, or having been there…

His partial thoughts were cut off as a soft knock sounded on the door, "Can I come in?"

"Yea…"

* * *

><p>Alexis steeled her nerves as she heard her father call out for a bucket and aspirin. Shouting a reply that she'd get them for him, she trekked downstairs only to stop at the bottom when she realized Kate's clothes were no longer in the living room. Furrowing her brow she searched around… no signs of them anywhere… going to the door she discovered it to be unlocked. <em>Kate left? I wonder when she did that…<em> sighing she shoved the concern, and bizarre feeling of sadness, aside and grabbed the bottle of aspirin, the bucket from beneath the counter, and a glass of water, before heading back upstairs to her father's room.

Knocking, she asked to enter and he replied with a sick sounding yes. Upon entering she found him lying in bed with a pillow over his face, "Here, dad." She stood in front of the somewhat open window, her shadow covering his face as he peaked from beneath the pillow to grab the aspirin and water, as she set the bucket on the ground, "the flu?" She asked, though there was no way it wasn't some sort of hangover… there was no other way he could have gotten Beckett into bed with him, only to have her leave in the morning, obviously trying to make it seem like she had never been there.

"Yea," he groaned, and she rolled her eyes, thankful he couldn't see her as she did.

"All right, call me if you need me. I'll call Detective Beckett and let her know you won't be coming in today."

"Thanks."

"You're welcome, feel better," she closed the window before quietly leaving his room.

Her father groaned as she closed the door and she shook her head, _Yea, most definitely a hangover._

* * *

><p>Beckett jumped as her phone rang, her head still pounding. Sighing she fixed her sunglasses as she picked up her phone to see Castle's ID on her phone. Biting her lip she pressed answer and put the phone to her ear, "Beckett, what is it Castle?"<p>

"Hi, Detective Beckett? It's Alexis."

"Oh… How are you Alexis?" Beckett asked, confused as to why Castle's daughter was calling with his cell phone.

"I'm fine, but my dad isn't. He seems to have come down with the flu, so he won't be coming in today."

Kate's heart sank all while she felt as if a giant weight was being lifted from her chest, "Oh, all right, tell him I hope he feels better, and that we don't have a new case yet, so he's not missing much."

"I'll make sure to tell him, talk to you later."

"Bye, Alexis, maybe I'll stop by if I find some time to slow down on paper work."

"Then maybe I'll be seeing you later as well."

"All right, bye," Kate hung up and ran a hand down her cheek… what if he didn't want to come because of what happened…

* * *

><p>Castle ran a hand down his face as he leaned over the counter, he still had no idea what had happened the day he woke up with a hangover. He couldn't remember anything from that night, or the day before. What the hell had happened, was the only thing he was able to think during the week he decided to take off from going to the precinct. There was no way he would have been able to explain that he couldn't remember a thing from any of the conversations the group had had about a very important case…<p>

He looked up when he heard footsteps on the stairs, "Hey dad."

"Hey Alexis. Do you remember when I came home about a week ago?"

She shook her head as she opened the fridge, "No, I don't remember. I know I was home after you though."

"Hm? How's that?"

"Your clothes, they were all over the living room. Along with some woman's."

Castle's head fell back into his hands, "Oh God…"

"What?"

"I don't remember anything from that night, or that day."

"You don't… remember? Anything?"

He looked up from his hands and gave her a suspicious look, "Why? Do you know something?"

"I thought you had gone on some sort of undercover thing with Beckett, but I guess I could be wrong."

Castle furrowed his brow, trying to remember… frustrated that he couldn't, miserable that he had no idea who he'd slept with. He was never going to drink again, "You sure?"

"I said I could be wrong."

"Could you describe what this woman's clothes looked like?"

"Umm… jeans, dark blue, I think, probably skinny. Boots, I think knee high, stiletto. I think the shirt was a deep purple, but it's not like I spent the time to investigate them."

Rick nodded, though a sick feeling began to worm through his body… there was only one woman he thought of right off the bat when it came to dark skinny jeans and knee high boots… and that was Katherine Beckett…

* * *

><p>Kate sighed as she ran hand down her face, she hadn't seen, or heard from, Castle for two weeks, and it was starting to scare her. She wanted to call, but she was afraid of what he would say about that night, and she didn't want to.<p>

"Beckett?"

Her heart sank at the thought of Castle never wanting to see her again. What if he felt he had taken advantage of her? Well… for all she knew he did… it was very clear that she was drunk… but they had both been drinking.

"Beckett."

What if he didn't remember at all? Did she want to ask to see if he knew? Or did she want to forget about it, and hope that he did too?

"Beckett!"

She snapped her head up, shocked to hear someone address her that way, "What?" She gave Esposito a strange look.

He returned it, "Everything all right?"

"Hm? Oh… yea. Yea I'm fine," she gave him a half-assed smile before looking back at her work.

She heard him scoff and the scraping of a chair, "That's a load of bull."

"Excuse me?"

"You know what. I've put it off for quite a while, but what the hell happened the day you and Castle went undercover at the bar?"

"Nothing happened Esposito."

"Come on, we haven't seen Castle since that night, and you were not very together when you came in late."

"Castle has the flu or something. Alexis called to tell me that he wasn't feeling very well." She gave him her famous 'drop-it-or-I-will-shoot-you' look before returning her focus back to her work.

Out of the corner of her eye she saw him shake his head before standing and walking off. To not know what Castle thought about what happened, there wasn't anyway she'd tell Esposito what happened.

She didn't even feel like telling Lanie.

* * *

><p>"Lanie, baby, do you have any idea what's bothering Beckett?"<p>

Lanie looked up from her files to see her boyfriend standing just barely inside, the door swinging closed behind him, "What's wrong with Beckett?"

"I don't know. That's why I came down to ask you. No one's seen, or heard from, Castle since they went undercover, and she's not herself."

Lanie rolled her eyes, "She hasn't come down to talk about anything with me."

"Well, ask her when you get a chance, she isn't talking to me, and something is bothering her."

"All right, I'll think about it."

Esposito smiled and stepped forward, pressing a kiss to her lips, "Thanks."

"No problem, but if she doesn't talk to me, I'm not going to push it."

"All right, but there's something wrong."

"Never said there wasn't, but if she's not ready to tell me now, she'll talk to me about it on her own sooner or later."

"I hope that whatever is wrong gets worked out, she's not focused."

* * *

><p>"Kate, what's up girl?" Lanie asked as her friend walked into the autopsy room.<p>

Beckett shook her head as she spoke quickly, "Nothing. Why would you think something's wrong?"

"Did Castle try to do something he shouldn't? Or say something he shouldn't have said?"

"When would he have done anything of the sort?" Kate said defensively, "What about the body?" Lanie sighed internally at Beckett's obvious attempt at changing the subject.

"When you two went undercover."

"Why would you think that? No, he's just a little sick. What about the body?"

Lanie gave her a tight smile before allowing the subject to be changed, "Wasn't any regular over the counter drugs or any other type of drug that we have in our systems, or alcohol like I thought."

"So what may have killed him."

"I have no exact idea, but there is an injection site of some sort at the base of his neck."

"What from?"

"I'm not sure, but I'll let you know as soon as I find out."

Kate nodded before she spun on her heel and headed out of the room, leaving a concerned Lanie in her wake.

* * *

><p>Castle drew in a large breath as the elevator dinged. Stepping onto the homicide floor he mustered all his strength to remain calm before walking to Beckett's desk, "Beckett."<p>

"Go away!" She barked, without looking up.

His eyes grew large, and he put his hands up, "All right. My God, what got into you? I haven't seen you for three weeks and you're already barking up my tree?"

He heard a small gasp as her eyes flew up to lock with his, "Castle? Oh God, I'm sorry, I thought you were Ryan or Esposito."

"OK… What did they do?"

"They just wouldn't believe me that you had the flu, and they've been bothering me about it. How are you feeling by the way?"

"Oh… then I'll make sure to tell them I was sick." He nodded as he took a seat in his usual spot, "I'm good, by the way. A lot better then I was. Sorry I wasn't able to keep up with everything, bring me up to speed?"

She smiled, trying hard not to let him see that something was bothering her, "Sure thing," she pulled a file from beneath her coffee cup and began to go over what he had missed on the case she had closed while he was gone, before beginning with the new case they were working on.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: All right, how was it? I was so happy I was able to get at least one story up this Christmas... but my grandmother also has pneumonia... so it's been really stressful around the house lately, and I haven't had a whole lot of time to get on. :(  
>I hope you aren't too mad...<br>Love you all,  
>CrazyBeCat <strong>


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: All right, here is chapter two. :) So happy I am able to get it up.**

**Do review, it makes me oh, so much happier. :D (and helps get through the school day!)  
>So, things pick up a little, then slow down again, but don't worry, it's all good, and I really hope you all enjoy it.<br>I haven't caught the grasp of 'Iron Gates' yet, so if she's OOC, let me know... actually, if any of them seem OOC to you, let me know. A few times I mean to make them a little OOC, but not all the time... (well, it's not as if we've seen what life would be like in these circumstances, so if they're a little OOC, I believe it to be acceptable... to a point.)  
><strong>

**Anyway,  
>love you all,<strong>

**Hope I can get you guys the third chapter sometime within a week or two. (I have it started, that's a good thing, so I'm really hoping!)**

**Enjoy, and Review. :) **

* * *

><p>Ch. 2<p>

_Castle sighed as their big ending finished… for the third time. He was a little out of breath and his head was pounding from too much alcohol, and he prayed he would remember it all in the morning…. Kate rolled off of him and he scooted closer, spooning her, as he whispered into her ear, "That was amazing."_

_ She snuggled backwards getting as close to him as she could, "Don't tempt me for a round four," she said in a playfully warning fashion._

_ "Oh, I might just have to do that," he growled sexually._

_ "You couldn't handle it…"_

_ "I can't handle it? What about you? Think you could handle it?"_

_ "Oh, I know I could, but you are no me."_

_ He rolled her over and captured her lips with his. Both breathing hard after he finally released her, she smiled as he said, "Then I guess we'd better find out."_

Castle jolted awake, breathing hard, "Oh God…"

* * *

><p>Kate heaved a sigh as she got out of her car, stretching before she closed the door and proceeded to the yellow tape that marked another dead body. Lanie had called to tell her that by the looks of it, the killer was one and the same… the same guy they'd been looking for, for a month.<p>

Taking a sip of her coffee she grimaced and spit it out, "Ack, ick, what the hell is in this?" She held it as far from her face as she could, her stomach churning at the taste that still lingered in her mouth, "God, how can my regular order be so screwed up?"

"What's 'screwed' up?" A voice spoke behind her, causing her jump as she spun around, spilling the hot coffee over her hand.

"Castle! My God, don't sneak up on me like that!" She ignored the sexual innuendo, and set the coffee down, shaking her hand, cursing slightly as the hot liquid burned her skin.

"Sorry about that," he pulled out a handkerchief and handed it too her.

"Thanks," she took it from him and wiped the remaining liquid from her hand as she began to walk.

"Beckett."

"Huh?"

"What-" he sighed, figuring now wouldn't be a good time to bring up that night, "about your coffee?"

"Oh, leave it, they messed up the order."

"Right, can I finish it off?"

"Yea, whatever, go ahead, I'm not going to finish it," she waved at him over her shoulder, and he picked up the cup, taking a sip.

"It tastes fine, what do you mean they messed it up?"

"It doesn't taste good to me, that means they messed it up." She turned around and crossed her arms, "Now are you coming, or are you just going to stand there?"

Castle raised his eyebrows, "Oh, yea, right." He flashed her a stupid grin as he scurried to catch up with her as she turned around and took a few steps before ducking under the tape, heading in the direction an officer pointed.

"Lanie, details," she said as she approached, her stomach churning anomalously, causing bile to rush up into her throat. Swallowing it down she concentrated hard on trying to figure out what the M.E. was saying, "Hold on, missed that, say it over."

She could feel Castle giving her a weird look as she saw a curious one spreading across Lanie's features as she repeated what she said, "All right. Male vic, John Doe, looks to be about 25 to 30. MO is the same, dropped in a busy area in the cover of night, no witnesses, no ID on the victim, or the Perp. Looks to be the same COD as the other two, but I have to get him back to the lab to confirm it. By the bodies temperature he died about six or seven hours ago, and he was defiantly moved," she pulled back the sheet, "Post mortem bruising, and see here?" She pointed to the man's upper arm before carefully taking it in her hands and turning it revealing a very white bone, "This happened before he died, but there's no blood from it anywhere around the scene."

Kate's face paled a shade lighter than the bone as the bile she had just recently swallowed rushed back up, "Excuse me," she spun around and took off to one of the planters a good twenty-some-odd strides away, making it in the knick of time. Her whole body shook as she fell to her knees and retched, her stomach clenching tightly, causing her to groan in pain. As more bile speed up her throat, she felt a strong pair of hands grab hold of her shoulders, and another set pulling her hair away from her face.

"Beckett, are you sick?" She heard Castle ask from beside her, concern wrapped around the words he spoke as he held her shoulders.

She attempted to shake her head no, but she was stopped as she threw up again, her whole body quivering in exhaustion from the massive heaves. Her stomach tied itself into knots, squeezing painfully, causing her to take sharp, short gasps of air. A few tears formed in her eyes from the anomalous pain, but she refused to let them fall down her cheeks.

"It's all right, we've got you." Lanie's soft voice soothed as she rubbed a hand slowly up and down Kate's back, "When you feel ready to get up I'll have one of the guys take you home. You shouldn't have come if you're sick girl."

"I'm…" she took a breath, "not sick…"

"Kate, sweetheart, I don't think there's any other explanation for you throwing up like this."

"I'm never sick though."

"There's a first for everything," Castle stated matter-of-factly, earning a half glare, weakened though from vomiting, from Kate, "just saying."

"I feel…" Kate lurched again, "fine…"

"Kate, I have a great idea. Why doesn't Castle take you home? You obviously need to rest and take it easy," Lanie declared in a tone of voice most people didn't want to argue, "and Javie, and Ryan need to stay to go over some witness statements."

"I don't want to, nor do I need to, go home."

"You know, Beckett, I have to agree with Lanie, let me take you home. You're obviously ill, and need your rest," Rick ran his fingers rhythmically in circles against her shoulders, an obvious attempt of trying to help her relax, as her stomach slowly began to settle.

"Forget it Castle, I'm not going home. I feel fine," Kate took a deep breath before she slowly tried to stand back up, hoping that whatever was wrong with her was just a fluke brought on by the bad coffee.

"You sure, Kate?" Lanie asked, standing up with her friend.

"Yes, I'm sure, I'm fine," Kate took a step forward, only to fall backwards into Castle lap as her vision blurred.

"All right, forget this, I'm taking you home, there's no way you're healthy if you're falling over," Castle wrapped his arms around her and lifted her into the air as he stood up.

"Castle! Put me down!"

"Kate, just let him take you home, rest up and come back when you feel better. I'll make sure Esposito and Ryan take care of Gates."

"I can walk on my own for heaven's sake! Castle, put me down!"

Rick rolled his eyes as he set her feet back onto the ground, "Here, you can walk yourself to your car, so long as you let me drive you home."

Kate sighed, "Fine, I'll let you take me home," she clenched her teeth together as her stomach churned again, and her head spun a little. Taking a few steps forward she could feel herself collapsing to the ground as her head only spun faster.

"Woah," she could hear Castle's footsteps behind her shortly before his strong arms kept her from slamming her head into the asphalt, "yea, there's no way you're all right, I'm carrying you to the car."

Beckett rested her spinning head against his chest, "My head… is reeling… and my stomach… hurts."

"Exactly why you need to go home and sleep, you aren't well," Castle grunted slightly as he picked her up into his arms.

"Is she all right?" A voice called out as Ryan, Esposito and Lanie came rushing towards them.

"She's fine, I caught her. I'll take her home, make sure she's comfortable, then meet you at the station," Castle replied.

"Bro, there's no way Gates is gonna allow you to be there if she isn't," Esposito said.

"I know, but it's not like I'm just going to sit this out because Beckett's a little sick," I've been a part of this case since it started, a month ago, and so I'm a vital part of the investigation."

Ryan looked at his partner, "He's got a point."

Lanie nodded, "He does, though there's no way it's going to be easy."

"All right, but we're already covering for Beckett, it's going to be hard to convince her to let you hang around, so be prepared for hell."

"Always am, now I'd better be getting her home," Castle said before turning around and carrying Beckett off in direction of her car.

"See you back at the station!" Ryan called after him, before addressing the two beside him, "Hope everything's ok with Beckett, it's not like her to get sick., let alone fall over."

The other two voiced their agreement before the three of them turned back to what they had been previously doing. Lanie sighed, thoughts running through her head about what it could be considering her friend's bizarre acting the past two and a half months. Not behaving in her usual manner when Rick was around, not being able to focus every so often, she had been snacking at the odd occasion once or twice… now vomiting and dizziness…. Lanie's eyes grew wide… _There's no way… she would have told me if she had… but it can't be the flu... if it's not… than what is it?_ She thought as she motioned for the coroners to come and start moving the body. _I'll call her later, right now I've got a body to worry about._

* * *

><p>Castle took a deep breath as he glanced at the now sleeping Beckett, as he turned the car off. Pushing the driver's side door open, he stepped out, and closed it behind him softly before walking around to the other side and lifting Kate out of the car. Shutting, and locking, the door behind him, he carried her up the stairs to the door. Fiddling with her keys for a second, he found the one that belonged to the door, and with some effort finally got it open. Making sure it had closed behind him, he contemplated taking the stairs, or waiting for the elevator, finally deciding on the latter as it dinged and a group of people bustled out.<p>

He stepped into the elevator, pressed the button for the fourth floor, and leaned against the back, his breathing slightly labored from carrying the extra weight. When Beckett was awake, it almost seemed as if she weighed less, but Castle didn't mind not waking her up, if she didn't feel well she deserved to sleep. Castle closed his eyes as he listened to the elevator rise, a small smile gracing his lips at the stillness of everything, and how… pleasant… for lack of a better term, it all seemed. The elevator dinged again and he pushed away from the wall as the doors slid open, stepped out, and walked down the hall to Kate's apartment.

"Now… which key belongs to your room," he mumbled to himself as he fumbled with her keys, trying not to make too much noise, as well as not drop them. He tried the one that got him into the building in the first place, and scrunched up his nose when it didn't fit. He went through two more keys before he found it, and pushed the door open, actually surprised that Kate was still asleep.

Closing the door behind him he went to the room that he believed was a bedroom, since he could see a bed within it's walls, and carefully laid the sleeping detective down. Pulling a few blankets from underneath her, he tucked them up around her shoulders, a smile inching across his face as he watched her sleep, her long lashes flittering slightly as her body rose and fell in a slow, rhythmic pattern.

She was beautiful, and Castle couldn't help but think about what it would be like if he was able to watch her sleep every day, hold her close as she drifted off into her dreams, kiss her sweetly as he made her breakfast, smile when she would pad out in her bare feet and pajamas, if he could kiss her tears away if she were sad. He ran a gentle hand through her hair, brushing it away from her face, careful to not wake her, so he could continue to enjoy the moment.

He blew out a puff of silent air, hoping that he hadn't actually slept with her, he didn't want to believe that their first time was while he was drunk… it didn't seem fair, not only to himself, but to her…. On most occasions, he couldn't care less about it, but this was Beckett… and she deserved the best, and that included a man who could actually remember everything about what had, from his very vivid dream, been an amazing night. He frowned, hoping that he could make it up to her sometime, hoping that whatever he had done to get her to have sex with him wasn't the reason she had been acting out of character the past month or so since he'd gone back to the station.

He desperately hoped that whatever was obviously ailing her would soon become the past, and she would return to her completely… he smiled at the thought… normal self.

* * *

><p>"Is she all right?" Esposito asked as Castle walked out of the elevator.<p>

"I'm guessing she will be, was fast asleep when we got there, and I carried her inside, up the elevator, to her apartment, into her bedroom where I tucked her in, she never woke up, I'm act-"

"Castle?" Gates's voice cut him off as she stepped from her office, "What on earth are you doing here? I don't see Beckett around."

"He's an essential part of the case, and as the one who took Beckett home, he was given instruction to report back with how she was feeling. We want to make sure that whatever is making her ill is taken care of as quickly as possible." Esposito said professionally as he set a file down on his desk, "Sounds to be a stomach bug, of some kind, she'll most likely be back tomorrow afternoon or the morning after."

"Is that right?" She gave Castle an odd look.

Castle raised his eyebrow slightly and replied with a fake cheeriness, "That's right."

She raised her own eyebrow before returning to the inside of her office.

When the door closed Castle let out a puff of air, "Ha-ha! I cannot believe her sometimes. What's bothering her, it's not like if anything happens the department, or the city, will be in any danger of getting sued…. I had to sign about twenty papers to ensure it, not even my lifeless remains can sue for being killed."

Esposito rolled his eyes, though there was a small smirk on his face, before he spoke, "So, you really think it's just a bug?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, think it could be anything else? She has been acting pretty strange lately?"

"Something else like what?"

"I don't know, just thinking I guess."

"Yea, well, I'd better get a move on out of Gates' range of sight. I'll drive down early to see if Lanie's come up with anything, and after I'll stop by Beckett's to see if she needs anything."

"Good idea bro, see you later."

"Right back at ya."


	3. Chapter 3

Ch. 3

Castle cleared his throat before he knocked lightly on Beckett's door, wondering if she had awoken after he had left her asleep those four hours ago, after how pale she had looked, and how much she had been throwing up into that poor city planter.

A slightly groggy eyed, but much healthier, looking Kate opened the door, "Castle," he could have sworn a small smile had graced her precious lips, but it disappeared as quickly as it had shown itself.

"Uh, hi. I came by to see how you were feeling."

There it was again… another small smile… something he hadn't seen in a long time… since the night they may have slept together… "That's, really sweet… of you. Thanks, I'm feeling much better. Must have been the coffee, or the bagel I had. I thought it had smelled a little off."

He smiled, "May I come in? Is there anything you need me to get?"

"Uh, no… I mean, yes," she ran a hand through here hair, "I mean, yes, you may come in, but no, I don't need anything." Was that another smile... he tried to inconspicuously rub his eyes as he stepped passed her into the apartment, wondering if he was just imagining things, or if she was finally working out whatever seemed to have been bothering her.

"When did you wake up?"

"Around ten-thirty, eleven…. When did you drop me off? I don't remember anything."

Castle let out a light laugh, "I wouldn't expect you too, you were fast asleep, and even when I picked you up out of the car and carried you up to your bed, you didn't blink an eye. I didn't want to wake you, so I left quietly and let you sleep, you needed it."

"Hmmm… I feel a lot better, thanks. Care for some water?"

"Sure, that'd be fine."

She gave another soft, fleeting smile before ruffling her hair as she walked to her cabinet and pulled out a glass, filling it with water from a pitcher in her fridge, "Here you go." She smiled again as she handed it to him.

"Plan on maybe coming back tomorrow? Gates is tanning my hide about being there without you there."

"Actually, I was thinking about coming back today. I'm feeling a lot better, and don't want to get too far behind."

"You… think you're ready for that, I mean, you looked pretty bad."

"Excuse-"

"You looked miserable, and if you in anyway don't feel well, then I don't think you should push yourself too far. I can come by again later to keep you up to date."

"Thanks for you concern, Castle, but I'm fine… now, and should be getting back to work."

"All right, don't tie yourself into knots, just don't get in a huff when I tell you 'I told you so.' There's no reason to push yourself too hard, and I advised you against it," he put his arms up, as if the glare she was giving up was a loaded gun.

"Want to head back now?"

"Sure."

"I'm driving, my car."

"Shotgun!" Castle said, earning a soft chuckle from Beckett as she rolled her eyes.

"There's only two of us Castle."

He smiled smugly, "Yea… how do I know you don't have some imaginary friend waiting to kick me out of the front seat?"

"Oh, please Castle, I'm not four." He opened his mouth to argue, but decided against it as she grabbed her keys and headed for the door, "Let's go, Castle."

* * *

><p>"Beckett? What are you doing back already?" Ryan called out as she and Castle stepped off the elevator and made their way to Ryan and Esposito.<p>

"I'm feeling a lot better, and don't want to get behind on the case."

"Well, don't you think you should rest?" Esposito questioned.

"What? You don't want me here? Is that what it is? Is there a problem with me being here?" She asked, stabbing a slender finger against Javier's chest.

"Whoa! Beckett, calm down! I just don't want you to make yourself sicker. You were really pale this morning, and I would think you'd prefer to be out a two days rather than a week," Esposito rolled his chair backwards as Castle slowly lowered Kate's arm.

"Go down and talk to Lanie about the body," he suggested calmly, though when she turned, the look in his eyes almost scared her.

She nodded, not really knowing what had come over her, but realized it would be smart to cool off, "Right, good idea," she took off without turning around, not wanting to get railed for losing her mind for a second…. She sucked in a breath, wondering, once again, what had come over her to make her bark at Esposito like that, she knew he was just being concerned….

Stepping into the elevator she pressed the ground floor button and sunk to the floor, exhausted and frustrated, as the doors slid shut in front of her. She sighed, she really did need to talk to Lanie.

* * *

><p>"Hey there girl, looks like you're feeling better," Lanie said as her friend pushed through the doors into the morgue room.<p>

"Yea, I feel fine… except that I just about chewed off Javie's head.," Kate huffed as she sat up on the counter.

"What did he do?" Lanie crossed her arms and raised an eyebrow.

"That's just it, he didn't do anything."

"Nothing?" Lanie became curious, "So why'd you chew him out?"

"I don't know. He asked me if I was sure I could come back to work, and I got infuriated with him. I was really, really mad."

"What did you say?"

"I asked if the reason he was asking was because he didn't want me around at the station."

"Why would you think that?"

"I… don't know. I just…. I… I don't have any idea what came over me. It's not as if he knows how I feel, and it made me a little angry that they'd rather me stay home then come to work. The thing is though, I know that they're just being nice, about caring, but it still bothered me… apparently more than I thought."

"Mm-hum…" Lanie crossed her arms, "Are you sure you're feeling all right?"

"I feel fine."

"You know that's not what I'm talking about. Something's been eating at you for a while now, and I guess it's starting to show through."

"Nothing's been eating at me, what are you talking about?"

"Oh, come on, you think I'm just going to let it go that after you and Castle went out on undercover, you come back out of sorts, and Castle doesn't show up for three weeks? What happened?"

"Nothing happened!"

"Then why are you not acting like yourself? Something's bothering you, and I'm sick of ignoring it! What the hell is up with you?"

"Nothing!"

"Come on, Beckett, you seriously need to take a look at what you're doing. Do you really think that trying to shove away whatever happened is good for you?"

"Nothing happened, so how can I shove it away?"

Lanie sighed, "Kate, what happened, what did he do?"

"Castle didn't do anything."

"Then what's bothering you?"

Lanie could have sworn something changed in Beckett's eyes, but the detective wasn't going to let it be shown any other way, "Nothing! Nothing's bothering me! My God! Just let it go!" Kate shouted before she slammed back out through the doors.

* * *

><p>"What's the matter with Beckett?" Esposito asked once Kate had left.<p>

"She's most clearly out of sorts from sleeping for so long, and not feeling well," Castle said.

"Well, it's gotta be more than just that. Something's been eating at her for a while now," Ryan said, looking after Beckett, though the elevator doors had long since closed behind the other detective.

"You've got that right," Esposito agreed as he leaned back in his chair.

"Well, just because she isn't telling us, doesn't mean that something isn't wrong, but it also doesn't mean that something is wrong," Castle said, "why don't we just let her cool off, better than making her angry by bringing it up again."

"Yea fine, but that was just… not like her," Ryan said.

"Well, whatever it is, she'll tell us eventually, we have to trust her to do so, otherwise we'll just drive her away even further," Castle said matter-of-factly.

"Right, but if she does it again, I'm not going to let it just slide by, she needs to work out what's bothering her, cause she isn't focused," Esposito sighed, running a hand over his head.

"I agree, we can't leave her to work it out on her own, if it starts interfering with work," Ryan stretched out in his chair, heaving an equally frustrated sigh.

"And I agree as well," Castle said before sitting down, his thoughts straying to the night he still couldn't remember.

* * *

><p>Kate sobbed as she closed her front door behind her, her body shaking as the tears streaked down her cheeks. What the hell was wrong with her… she just about chewed off Lanie's head… no, she did just chew it off, and then left Lanie for dead.<p>

Rubbing her hand across her face she sunk to the floor, exhausted from everything running through her head. Her sleeping with Castle, his not showing up for the longest time, not being able to get it out of her head, not having coffee this morning, then throwing up, then chewing out Esposito and Lanie…. Everything was collapsing on top of her and she found it hard to breath.

Standing up, she began to pace around her living room, gasping for air, pulling off her shirt as she tried to breath, needing more air than she was getting. She could feel perspiration dripping down the back of her neck, and forehead. Tears were still gliding down her cheeks, and her whole body continued to jump as she sobbed.

After what felt like hours she was finally able to calm down, and wearily trudged to her bathroom. Splashing water across her face she took a shuddering breath, and let it out slowly. Grabbing the towel from the rack she pressed it to her face, drying it gently, slowly.

Leaning against the counter she looked at her tired face in the mirror, wondering what had come over her to feel this way… other than sleeping with Castle, and not being about to remember much of anything about it other than waking up beside him… naked.

Frustrated, she took her eyes away from her reflection, and aimlessly stared at the small calendar she always kept in her bathroom… suddenly, her eyes grew wide and she slid to the floor, her head resting against the cabinets beneath the sink, fresh tears slipping from her eyes as she felt her whole body exploding with defeat.

* * *

><p>Kate drew a breath as she put her phone to her ear, almost praying her father wouldn't pick up, she didn't want to imagine how he would feel about it. She looked down at the small box in her hand, not believing she actually bought it, not believing what she had to do... not believing what would happen to her when she did.<p>

"Jim Beckett," her father's voice echoed in her head causing her to tense up, her throat tightening, "Jim, Beckett speaking."

"Dad," she choked out, suddenly feeling like a small child again, and desperately wanting her mother to hold onto.

"Katie? Great to hear from you, how are you doing?" He asked lovingly, and she pictured his smiling face in her mind, which only made what she had to tell him so much harder.

She swallowed trying to speak, but was unable to. Opening her mouth a soft squeak came out instead.

"Baby, what's the matter? Are you ok, what's wrong?" Concern was woven into his voice, causing her whole world to implode in on itself.

Her broken heart shattered into a billion more pieces as the tears began to pour down her cheeks again, "Dad…dy…" she sobbed, not believing what was happening, and desperately wishing for life to rewind back to when she was little and had her parents there to make everything better, when she was little and never had to worry about grown-up things.

"Katherine, what happened?" He asked.

"I… I think..." she choked on her words, her eyes staring holes into the small box in her hand.

"What is it, Katie?"

"I… did a bad thing… and now… I'm p…aying for it…" she sobbed, the tears streaming even faster down her cheeks.

"What happened, it couldn't be that bad."

"I… got… drunk… for a case…. I had to go… undercover… with Castle… and we got… drunk… and I… slept with him…. I had sex… with Castle…."

Her father was silent for a moment and when he spoke his voice was even, and caring, with a hint of confusion, "Well, Katie, I have to tell you that I'm not surprised. The way you talk about him, and the way I've seen you look at him, it's very obvious you're in love with him to some degree. Way are you so beaten up about it? It's not as if this was your first time."

She sighed heavily between hiccupping sobs, remembering when her dad had walked in on her and one of her boyfriends, "Because… because…"

"Katie, what's bothering you so much?"

She sucked in a breath, trying her hardest to gather her composure, "Dad… I don't remember it… other than waking up in his bed, with him asleep beside me, I don't remember… any of it…"

"You were that drunk?"

"Ap…parently…" she choked out again, losing control of her emotions again.

"Well, have you talked to him about it?"

"I… I'm… going to have… to… now… that I… may be… p… pr… pr… pre…" she tried so hard to get it out, she would have to say it eventually… but she just couldn't find the voice to cough up the painful word.

"Oh, no…" her father breathed, and she knew he knew what she was going to say, "are you sure?"

"Not… not yet… but I'm l…ate…."

"Have you been to see your doctor about it?"

"No, I… bought… a test."

"When did you think you were?"

"Today…" she replied, hoping for her father to say something else, but silence ensued. Breathing shakily, she wiped a few tears from her cheek, "Dad…"

"What is it, baby?"

"I'm… not ready to be a mom."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Woo! I got another Chapter up! I hope you all liked it, and hope you'll tell me in a review so that I will know how many of you still want me to trudge on through thick and thin.  
>Boy... I am so screwed for school tomorrow... :( I was finishing up this chapter rather than working on homework... I hope it was worth it, and that you are all desperately wanting more, and are so looking forward to chapter 4 that you'll give me a nice review... which will in turn make staying up really late a whole lot more worth the trouble for getting this chapter done...<br>Well, cross your fingers and pray, cause this next chapter is gonna take a while to get up.  
>Love lots,<br>read my other stories,  
>CrazyBeCat<br>**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N:**  
><strong>OK... so... I can totally get it if you want to shoot me... but, let me plead for my life before you begin:<strong>

**I've been really busy with sports, school (I HATE ESSAYS... and yet I love writing... talk about irony), friends, family, and some personal issues. :|**  
><strong>I know that it's been a long time, and lots of people go through a lot, but when I'm home for 3 hours of the day, it's hard to find the time to write and type and get online. I'm horribly sorry, and to make up for it, I am REALLY hoping to get Ch. 5 up on Monday. I have a 4 day weekend, and basically no homework, so more time to write. :D WOO!<strong>

**Thank you so much for you patience (or impatience but calmness to not chew me out), and you will be happily... hopefully... rewarded.**  
><strong>My Psych fans have been relatively flaky lately, so I've been spending a little more on Castle, I'm even thinking I may be able to get Ch. 27 of Love Me Forever editedrewritten and up this weekend as well, and I know that for some of my readers that will make you super happy that I'm going to start on Ch. 29 soon.**

**So, I cut this chapter a little shorter than I wanted, BUT it's still a pretty good length, and the part that I cut will now be the beginning of five. :)**

**Love you all dearly,**

**CrazyBeCat. :) **

* * *

><p>Ch. 4<p>

Kate wiped the tears from her cheeks as she heard her doorbell buzz. Sniffling she stood and went to her speaker, "Kate Beckett."

"Katie, it's me."

Kate took a deep breath and pressed the button that would open the door so her father could come up, "It's open."

"I'll be right there," his voice said before she unlocked her door and walked back to her couch, collapsing onto it.

A few slow minutes passed before a knock sounded on the door, "You can come in," she called, though she could hear the emptiness in her voice, as she stood back up again.

Her father opened the door, and she found herself melting into a puddle of tears as she practically ran to him, wishing she was twelve all over again, wishing she didn't have to be put up against a wall without knowing a way out, "Dad…" she breathed out as she collapsed into his arms, sobbing into his shoulder as he made soft soothing noises.

"I'm here baby, I'm right here," he swayed a little from side to side, "have you taken the test yet?" She shook her head into his sleeve, "Then why don't we start with that? No point in falling apart before you know all the facts," he said calmly, pulling from her to brush her hair from her eyes.

"I'm scared," Kate confessed, her voice a whisper. "I'm afraid of it being positive. I don't want it to be positive. I don't want a baby before I'm married I don't want a stupid mistake to become a total disaster-"

Jim cut her off, "So sleeping with Rick was a mistake?

"I… don't… I mean, yes, it was… but…" her voice trailed off.

"But you love him," he spoke without question in his voice, "Which is why you don't know. As if you wanted to, and so don't regret doing so, but regret the circumstances for which the deed was done, and the aftermath of not knowing if you were ready to take it one step further."

"I don't know what to do... if it's positive… the only step to take our relationship further… would be marriage… and I… I just… don't know what to do."

"I don't think anyone does at first, honey, but I think I have an idea of what you should do," he nodded to the coffee table where she had most obviously stuffed the test beneath a handful of newspapers and magazines.

"What if it's positive?" Kate asked, not really caring that she was sounding childish, wanting her daddy to take care of everything for her.

"Then it's up to you to figure out what you're going to do, I can't make up your mind for you, Katie. Never could, never have, and never will." He brushed some stray hairs behind her ear, "But, I can promise to be here no matter what you choose, and that's one thing I could always do, have always done, and always will do."

She nodded, grateful to have him wrap his arms around her, wishing terribly that his warm arms would just swallow her up. She didn't want to deal with any of this… she wanted to forget about the night she had slept with Castle, and move on, then return to where they were before that night, so she didn't have to go everyday not being able to remove the feeling of his warm body against hers as she woke up… how amazing it felt, though how wrong it was. It was wrong that she couldn't remember, wrong that they had been under the influence when it happened, wrong that it was forever going to haunt her that she still hadn't worked out her emotions about the wonderful man she worked with… one day all she would want was to go home with him, the next day she'd want to tell him how she felt, the third day she'd be wondering what she had been thinking… he had been divorced twice, had a daughter going to college… he was rich and famous, she wasn't… they were never going to work… and yet, it felt to right… and now… she'd blown it all out of the water…..

She had always sworn that if she were to get together with Castle, she wanted to do it right. She had sworn to be absolutely sure, because if she wasn't, then they would end up destroying their wonderful friendship, and most likely ruining both of their careers with all the news, the possible headline of 'Castle's Third… All Hell Breaks Loose' making itself known to her brain. She never imagined getting drunk, and having sex… not being able to remember any of it, and then discovering being pregnant.

Kate wiped her eyes and took a shaky breath, pulling from her father. Looking into his eyes, she swallowed before stepping to the coffee table and pulling the box from underneath the magazines and newspapers she'd stuffed it under.

"I'll be right here in the living room, come out when you're ready," her father walked to her and squeezed her shoulder, earning a silent nod before Kate entered her bathroom and shut the door behind her.

* * *

><p>Kate stared at the test that had long since been dropped from her hands; sent to clatter hollowly against the linoleum tile of her apartment's bathroom, a distant sound to Kate's ears. The same ears that magnified her breathing to a level that would normally send her head reeling, but this time she sat in utter silence.<p>

For the longest time she had stared at the soft blue wall, as if she could melt it into oblivion, her head making small movements as she swallowed a million times over, her throat dry in disbelief….

She couldn't believe it… instead Kate almost wanted to believe it was a sick prank… yet didn't want to let herself think so… for fear that that was exactly what it was… a sick joke….

It was… she swallowed… "Negative…" she spoke in a hoarse whisper, relief slowly beginning to wash through her, though she subconsciously felt a flicker of disappointment that disappeared as quickly as it had come, "it's negative…" her pounding heart came to a halt, her breath hitching in her throat… she wasn't pregnant… the test was negative… the moment of fleeting disappointment flooded through her, but again disappeared before making its way to her brain.

Kate stood from the toilet, not presently caring that the test was still on her bathroom floor, and practically wrenched the door off its hinges as she opened it.

Her dad stood from her couch, and she happily threw her arms around him, relieved tears streaming down her cheeks, "It was negative!"

* * *

><p>Jim stood as the bathroom door opened, rocking backwards as Kate threw her arms around him, as if she were a small child, and he had just returned from a long business trip, "It was negative!" She spoke into his shoulder, tears clearly spilling down her cheeks.<p>

His heart fell… he was happy that she seemed so relieved, but he had been almost excited at the idea of having a grandchild, and Rick was a good man, one who would own up to the responsibility despite being a child himself. Castle was a man who would do everything in his power to do the right thing… or so that was what he had understood from his conversations with Kate, and from his few run-ins with the writer himself.

Jim had almost hoped that it had been positive, because he thought it may assist in Kate's realization that she was in love with the writer, and Rick was in love with her. He pulled from his daughter, "I'm so glad that everything worked out for the best."

She smiled slightly and wiped away a few tears, "Now I don't have to worry about talking with Castle about it."

He gave her a look, "You aren't going to ask him if he remembers?"

"No," she replied as if it was obvious, "there's no reason to. I don't want to damage our relationship, so I won't bring it up."

Jim furrowed his brow, "You don't think that by not discussing it, it will just go away… do you?"

"Dad, do you think that if he had wanted to talk to me about it, he would not have brought it up on his own by now? I know Castle better than you do, believe me when I say it is better left alone… unsaid."

He brushed a few strands of hair behind her ear, "All right, you do know him better, I'll leave you to decide whether or not to talk to Rick about it. I see your point."

"Thank you, dad," she smiled a little, "for everything."

"You're welcome, Katie."

* * *

><p>Castle sighed as he stepped form the elevator, he had had the same dream about the night he couldn't remember… he had woken up hot, sweaty, and hard. He had been breathing heavily and shaking slightly from shock, and sheer intensity of how real it felt.<p>

How, or why, he wasn't able to remember anything else he wished he knew, but at the same time he was almost afraid of figuring it out.

_Did Beckett remember more than him? Was that why she was acting so strange?_ He wondered for what felt like the millionth time.

"Hey Castle."

Rick snapped from his thoughts at the old familiarity of the voice that had spoken to him, "Huh? What?"

"I said, 'hey'. What are you so preoccupied with?" Kate asked as she flipped through a file that must have been about the case they were working.

"Nothing, nothing at all is bothering me."

She gave him an odd look and spoke a little slower than normal, "All right then, I'll be going down to speak with Lanie, see if anything new may have come up that we could have missed. Wanna head down with me?"

"Uh, no, no thanks, but call me if anything comes up, I need to talk with Esposito about something."

"You sure? Missing out on seeing the body," Kate raised an eyebrow.

"I'm sure. Call me if anything new is found?" He gave her a smile before heading to the break room where he could see Esposito making an espresso.

"Will do Castle!" She called after him before stepping into the elevator.

* * *

><p>Lanie looked up as the doors swung open and Kate entered the room, "Hey there, Lanie."<p>

"Kate," she replied curtly, still in disbelief from the way Kate had treated her the other night when all she was was concerned for her friend.

"I'm sorry. About last night, that is. I was stressed out."

"So something was bothering you," she said picking up a file and flipping through it quickly, "nothing new has been found on the first victim," she continued as an after thought.

"That's unfortunate, have you looked at the others? I was worried about something, yes."

Lanie raised an eyebrow, "You gonna tell me what it was? Or just make me guess? I'm going to be going over the second victim now." Lanie said as she set down the file, pulled out a tool tray, and walked through a set of doors into the freezer room, where the bodies were kept.

Kate sighed, before speaking a little louder to make sure Lanie could hear, "I was worried about…"

"About what Kate?" Lanie questioned as she stuck her head out from the freezer room after a moment of stretched silence.

"About possibly being… pregnant," Kate replied softly, her voice wavering a little as she spoke, as if it pained her to say it.

"What! And you didn't tell me earlier! What is wrong with you?" Lanie burst out of the freezer room, the body she was getting long forgotten about.

"Because I was afraid of what you would think! Of what anyone would think!" Kate snapped. It was the truth… she was afraid of what people would think… but she just hadn't thought about pregnancy till the day before….

"Well I'll be…" Lanie shook her head, "so what's the verdict?"

A small frown tugged at Kate's lips, but she quickly masked it as she spoke, "I'm not, which is good."

"Um-hmm."

"It is a good thing."

"Ok, then I'm happy all seems to be in order, and the way you want it. Also happy to see you back to normal." There was another beat of silence before Lanie spoke again, "So…?"

Kate gave her a look… Lanie was seriously asking for details… she should have known… So what?"

"Oh, come on, don't play dumb with me, who was it, and was it good?"

Beckett rolled her eyes, stalling for time, "It was mind-blowing," _Yea… so mind-blowing I don't even remember cause I was drunk… or the exact opposite…_ "and you wouldn't know who it was," she lied again.

"Does he have a criminal record?"

Kate thought for a moment, though she knew that Castle did have a few misdemeanors on his list, "Actually, he never told me, I decided not to ask… for once."

"Ooh, leaving your comfort zone are we?" Lanie smiled.

"A little."

"It was a one night stand huh," Lanie spoke without an once of doubt.

"Yea, which is why it would have been so horrible if I was pregnant."

Lanie nodded, "Well, glad everything seems to be working out."

Kate smiled, "Now, let's see if we can find anything that may have been missed earlier."

"Right, and I accept your apology, I'm sorry too, for prying. I was concerned, but shouldn't have pushed you to the point of anger."

"I accept your apology," Kate smiled, she felt like she was back in elementary school and stuck in the principal's office after accidentally hitting another girl, but she didn't want Lanie to be mad with her, so if they degraded to first graders for a moment, she really didn't care.

"I'll bring in the body of the second victim. You wanna stay?"

"That's the plan, an extra pair of eyes isn't a bad thing, even if I don't know what I'm looking for."

Lanie smiled and returned to the freezer room to retrieve the body of the second victim.

As Lanie rolled the body out, a small whiff of the slowly rotting corpse reached Kate's nose, and her stomach began to churn violently, as if it had been caught in a riptide. Her body lurched as bile began to rush up her throat. Kate clamped her hand over her mouth as a sickening gag slipped through her lips.

"Kate? You ok?" Lanie asked, "What's wrong?"

Beckett grabbed a silver pan from off the counter just in time, her stomach contains spilling from her mouth into the shallow dish. Lanie rushed to her side, and pushed the doors open, guiding Kate out as the detective threw up again.

Several long moments passed before Lanie finally asked as Kate dry heaved, "Are you sure the test was negative?"

Kate's worry stricken eyes looked up, tears glistening as they slithered down her cheeks.

* * *

><p>Castle sighed as he collapsed into his long since designated chair, frustrated, and not caring if Gates got mad he was in the building when Beckett wasn't.<p>

_Beckett…_ Castle swallowed and cleared his throat, maybe he should have gone down to Lanie with her. She was clearly in better shape. But was she actually over whatever had been bothering her? Or was she just suppressing it?

He sighed and ran a hand over his face, he was a mess… how could he have gotten so drunk? He wondered, his thoughts straying to the dreams he had been having… had they really done it? Had she been as drunk as he had been… or did he find a way to convince her… or had she convinced him…?

Rick's head began to pound from the thoughts swirling in his head. He didn't want to think about it anymore… he was sick of not knowing, tired of keeping his distance, and terrified of discovering the truth. Just because he had at first found her intriguing, and worthy of his bed… she had changed him, had changed the way he felt. Instead of the infatuation he had for her, he now had no clue how he could live without her in his life. Everything about her… he couldn't find a flaw he didn't love, couldn't get a glance that didn't send electricity down his spine. He was mortified by what could have happened, what it would do to their relationship; he was terrified by what it had already done… and he didn't even know if they had even done it or not.

She was the one woman he felt like doing it right by… and here he was, wondering if he had blown it, praying he hadn't. Kate deserved a man who would do it right, not a drunk who would lay her and then not consciously remember a damn thing. What had he done to make her sink? What had he done to make her sleep with him? Had he paid her… he knew she was having some financial trouble… had she been drunk and desperate enough to accept payment?

He shuddered at the thought… and stood up from his chair; he couldn't stay here, he had disgraced the most perfect woman, how she had the heart to stay around him, he didn't know… but he had to get out of there.

Castle could feel the tears burning his eyes as he stalked to the elevator. It didn't matter how much he loved her, how desperately he yearned for her to say those three simple words to him… he had to let her go. He had to let her live her life without him around to remind her of what he had done. How could he continue to shadow her when all he would do was remind her of the line he had clearly crossed.

Rick practically collapsed against the back of the elevator once the doors slid shut, "Good-bye, Kate," he breathed.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N:**

**WOO! I GOT ANOTHER CHAPTER UP! :D And it's a good length too. I really hope you like this chapter... things start to get more exciting. I'm doing my best to stay in character, but there are some parts that may be a little out, I'm doing my best... but also remember that we don't really know how the crew would act in a situation such as this... so give me a little break. Please?**

**I didn't get to edit this chapter (cause I just wanted to get it up, since I said that I would try my hardest to get it up by today), so if you see something wrong, let me know. :)**

**I have a little poll at the bottom (will have a few throughout the story), and would love it if you could answer it in a review. It may seem a little insignificant, but it'll make a difference in how the end of Ch. 6 (or the beginning of 7) plays out. So when you're done reading, check out the poll, and let me know. :D**

**It may be a while before I get chapter 6 up, but I know that most of you already know that... but just letting you know. **

**I'm still working on fixing up CH. 27 of Love Me Forever... so I don't think that will be up tonight, but maybe Wednesday... depending on school... no promises... just a little wishful thinking that I'm voicing out loud. **

**Well, I really hope you enjoy this chapter. :D**  
><strong>Love lots,<strong>

**CrazyBeCat **

* * *

><p>Ch.5<p>

Kate took a deep breath as her stomach's churning came to a halt, silence filling the morgue's hallway for neither Lanie nor Kate wanted to voice each other's thoughts. Beckett felt the tears slipping down her cheeks before silently dropping from her chin into the pool of vomit in the silver pan she had in her hands.

Lanie cleared her voice, "Kate?"

She looked up slowly and opened her mouth, but words failed to rush out, so Lanie spoke again, "You think you'll be ok while clean out my pan? I can bring you some water, if you'd like." Kate nodded, grateful that the M.E. hadn't brought up the question she herself was thinking. The M.E. took the silver dish from her and nodded to the wall, "Sit over there and stick your head in between your knees. Take slow deep breaths in case you feel sick again, and I'll be right back out," before she reentered her examination room.

Kate stumbled to the wall and stuck her head between her knees as a sob broke through her lips, causing her whole body to jump. She had never been this sick around a rotting body before… so why was she now? Her thoughts drifted to the morning she had woken up with Castle beside her….

What was she going to do if she really was pregnant?

* * *

><p>"Grams?" Alexis asked as she came down the stairs into the kitchen, where Martha was pouring herself a glass of Merlot.<p>

"What is it darling?" Martha took a small sip of her wine.

"I can't get something out of my head. I did something I shouldn't have, and I've been lying to dad about it, and I don't know how to tell him. I hate lying, but at the same time… even I can't believe what I did…. Deep down, somehow I knew… but at the same time I didn't, and it still came as a shock, and I know that he's going to be disappointed in me for not telling him sooner-"

"Quite rambling, Alexis, my child, what on earth are you talking about? Ramble about it after you tell me what you're not telling him," Martha took her granddaughter's hand in her own and led her to a chair.

"Two… three months ago, I told dad that I hadn't gotten home after him, but I hadn't."

"Dear, that's nothing bad, he used to do that all the time."

"Did he ever wake up in the middle of the night, go downstairs to find his clothes all over the living room, along with some clothes that very clearly belonged to a woman?"

"Now, that I don't know, but I know that if he ever had, it sure wasn't a woman's clothing that he hadn't seen before…" Martha raised her eyebrows as she downed half her glass of wine.

"Well, I went up to his room and pounded on his door, telling him that it wasn't right. No one answered, and I pounded some more, but still no one answered."

"Oh, darling, did you open his door?" Martha asked.

Alexis nodded, "I don't even really know what called me to do it! I just… I mean… I hesitated, I knew it was wrong… but I still did!"

"Dear heavens, no wonder you don't know what to tell him."

"What makes it worse? He doesn't even remember that night, but I remember the person I saw, and there's no way he isn't beating himself up over what I told him. He asked me what I remembered about the woman's clothes, so I told him…"

"Alexis, who was it?"

Alexis gulped, "It was… De… Detective Beckett."

The glass Martha had been holding shattered against the wood flooring, as the front door opened and Richard walked in.

* * *

><p>"You're sure?"<p>

"Of course I'm sure! Why wouldn't I be?"

"Because I know you! There's no way you wouldn't find a way to botch it up! You are absolutely sure they don't-"

"Yes! I am absolutely sure! I was there until they left, how could I have left before, without causing suspicion?"

"Because it took you three months to get back to me with your report!"

"I've been keeping a close eye on them both, there's no way either of them suspect me anymore. We're in the clear, and don't have anything to worry about!"

"We'd better not, if they catch a hold of our trail again, I don't have a clue what you could do to get out of it a second time. You're sloppy, and when you're sloppy you leave traces! Stop leaving traces you damned fool, and you wouldn't be in this mess anyway!"

"Well, it's not my fault the mixture doesn't wear off as fast as you'd like! We needed the strongest! You know as well as I though, there's no way anyone's going to find those traces unless they know what to look for! They'd need a sample of it in order to be able to trace the substance! They aren't going to be getting a sample of it anytime soon."

"If either of those two have a blood test, they may be able to find small amounts of it. You've got to quit drugging them up, or someone is going to start suspecting something!"

"They both need to be kept a little hazy, at least for another week, I've haven't been caught yet, and I won't get caught!"

"Better knock on wood, you damn fool, cause that detective is going to get a catch on your tail, I bet my career as a hit woman on it!"

"She's been so whacked out lately, there's no way she's going to be remembering anything any time soon."

"Well, I'll tell you this much, I'm done with you. You're the sloppiest man I know, and I can't have a sloppy man working with my crew. Be happy I'm not going to shoot you through your thick skull, cause every fiber in my being is telling me to do exactly that."

"Don't worry, when I don't get caught, I'll be the worst unknown serial killer, and just so you know? I'm done with you too…. Enjoy your everlasting stay at the finest hotel in New York."

* * *

><p>"Dad! What are you doing home?" Alexis screeched.<p>

"Careful, don't get off the stool, you're barefoot. I'll go and get the vacuum. Mother, watch where you step, you wouldn't want to crush any of the glass," Rick made his way to the closet where the vacuum was, brushing away Alexis's question, causing both women to glance at each other suspiciously.

"Oh, honey, I'm so sorry. I broke one of your best wine glasses," Martha apologized as she practically danced her way around so she was clear of the mess.

"Don't worry, it's not as if I'd ever be getting rid of it, so no one will know the difference. But, whatever you do, I'd prefer not to have any bloody feet or sliced toes," Castle plugged in the vacuum and rolled it over before turning it on and crouching down to clean up the glass.

Standing up after a few minutes, Castle shut the vacuum off, "All right, I'm pretty sure I got it all, but I'll mop just in case." He stepped over to Alexis, "I don't want to risk you stepping on some glass," he picked her up from the barstool and carried her to the couch, "be careful when walk."

Alexis rolled her eyes, though it was clear she was happy she didn't have to stay on the barstool till he was done, "Thanks, but I'm not a little kid anymore, you didn't have to carry me."

"You'll always be my little girl. Besides, it's not as if I'll be having another little girl running around any time in the future, so who else am I going to spoil?"

Martha let out a laugh, "You've always got your poor old mother, darling, I can do with some spoiling."

"You spoil yourself enough, with my credit card," Castle retorted with a smile before getting the mop from the closet.

"Well… I guess I'd better be off, I've got some spending to do," Martha said, causing Alexis to laugh and Castle to roll his eyes, "Alexis, darling, care to come with me?" Martha asked, the tone of her voice hinting she wanted to continue the conversation they had been having before Castle had come home.

"Sure thing Grams, let me just get some shoes."

"No problem, I'll be right here," Martha smiled and waved Alexis up to her room.

"I'll probably be home when you two get back, I was thinking about Fettuccini for dinner, and then we could watch a movie."

"Darling, what about being at the precinct?" Martha asked.

Castle swallowed, pain sweeping through his eyes before it was replaced with a blank expression and a smile, "I thought I'd spend some more time with my family. I've been away at the precinct more and more, leaving less time for the three of us to spend together."

"Sounds like fun, we'll see you when we get back then," Martha smiled as Alexis pounded down the stairs.

"Dad? You're not going back to the station today?"

"No, I thought I'd spend some more time with you and Grams today."

"Oh, that sounds great. Well, bye dad."

"Bye, have fun shopping."

Alexis smiled, "We will."

* * *

><p>"Kate," Lanie stepped back into the hallway to find Beckett in a fit of tears, her shoulders jerking as the sobs broke through her lips, "Oh, Kate, honey, it's all right, everything's going to be OK." Walking to Kate, Lanie slipped down the wall to sit beside the detective, pulling the crying woman into a hug, "I know it may not seem like it, but you can get through whatever happens. Look, how about in a little bit I do a blood test? I can get the results by tomorrow, and that we can be sure of what's going on."<p>

"Have you ever heard of a false negative? How could it be a false negative?" Kate sobbed, clearly so rattled her display of emotions didn't even come close to her biggest concern, when it was usually one of her top five.

"I don't know how it was a false negative, but I do know that never have I seen you sick over a body, let alone two, and I also know that you've witnessed worse, as well as smelled worse, without getting sick and throwing up. Kate, even if the test wasn't a false negative, there is clearly something wrong. Either way, you should consider seeing a doctor, but if you don't want to quite yet, then please let me do a blood test."

Kate was silent as she mulled over what Lanie had said; the M.E. had a good point, but what was she supposed to do if she really was pregnant, and the test had been false? Her father already thought that she wasn't pregnant, and Castle clearly didn't have any idea what was going on… so he must have been just as drunk as she was, if not more. "I… don't… know." She whispered hoarsely, "What am I supposed to do?"

"I may not know what you're supposed to do if it's positive, but I know that I'll always be here for you. I also know that if you are pregnant, then it'd be best to find out sooner than later," Lanie ran a hand up and down Kate's back comfortingly.

"I can't raise a child! I've got my job, and it doesn't pay much, and how am I supposed to be there for the kid when I'm out chasing murderers? What if some sick man gets his grubby hands on the child and uses him, or her, as blackmail!" Kate cried.

"Kate, it's not as if you'll be going through this alone. Honey, even if the child didn't belong to Castle, you know that he'd offer to help. I can't imagine Alexis not offering to baby-sit, and Martha would love to as well. And no doubt that Espo, and Ryan wouldn't love to have the baby here at the precinct sometimes-"

"What about Gates! Huh? Because she's going to keep me as the head of homicide when I have a child! What am I supposed to tell her? She hates Castle enough as it is, and now I'm pregnant with his baby! Do you think she'll allow him to ever set foot in here again?"

"Well, she has no control over the M.E.'s office, I can tell you that much," Lanie chuckled, wiping a tear from Kate's cheek.

Kate rolled her eyes and sighed, "You know what I mean."

"Kate, whatever Gates does, she can't keep Castle away from you, and can't keep you away from him, and you know that. Look, honey, I'm still offering to do a blood test if you would like-"

Lanie was cut off as Kate's phone began to ring. Beckett sniffled a little before answering in her best professional tone after crying her eyes out, "Beckett. Esposito, what have you got?"

"Another body, Plaza Hotel. Be here ASAP. If you're down at the M.E.'s office make sure Lanie's the one that gets sent down."

"OK, will do. See you at the hotel soon," Kate stood as she hung up.

"Another one?" Lanie asked as she stood up.

"The Plaza Hotel, I've got to go, I'll see you there."

"All right, but this conversation is not over till you either call for an appointment, or have me do a blood test, and then call for an appointment."

"Right, I've got a call to make. See you there."

"Already said that, but I'll see you there!" Lanie called after the detective.

* * *

><p>Castle sighed as he heard his phone, Beckett was calling. Looking over to the counter where he had left he sighed again… answer it, or ignore it… whatever it was… either another body, or she was wondering where he was. Well… it wasn't any of her business anymore, just like it wasn't any of his business what was going on. If she left a message, he'd listen to it later. How could he face her after what he had done? How could she look at him?<p>

He furrowed his brow… what if she didn't remember either? Maybe that was why she was calling… because she didn't know either. Maybe it was something else that had been bothering her… what if it wasn't him? What if she was just as confused as he was? Should he pick up the phone? Or let it ring?

He had said he'd be there when Alexis and his mother got home… but they had both been surprised when he said it, as if they expected him not to be there… should he go to the precinct? But what if it was a body, and he got chewed out by Gates for being there, he didn't want to deal with that crazy woman when he couldn't even figure out how to deal with Beckett at the moment.

His phone stopped ringing and he closed his eyes, too late to pick it up… so he'd just stay home. She could do without him… she'd have to get used to him being gone, so why not start now?

_Well… you haven't even told her you aren't coming back, so how will she know not to keep calling you? You don't even know what she knows, or what she thinks. How could you just leave when you don't know anything, you haven't spoken to her about anything, so how does she know what's going on in your head? What do you think is going to happen when you just never show up again? She's going to blame Gates for kicking you out, which is going to cause her to get in a fight with the woman, which could lead to trouble. You should call her back, tell her you won't be coming back. Tell her that you're through, and that you wish her luck with the case…. But, what about keeping her away from her mother's case? What will she do with you gone? You know that's why the people framed the Mayor… so what will they do now that you're gone?_

Castle stood up and threw the couch pillow to the floor before pulling at his hair frustrated at the thoughts running through his head. She needed him there to keep her safe, but she didn't know that. He wanted to be there because his heart ached when he wasn't. She didn't know that he wasn't going to be coming back, so he would end up hurting her, which was something he didn't want to do… but had clearly already done….

Pacing around his living room, he could feel his emotions boiling within him… what the hell was wrong with him? His whole body shook with frustration, and exhaustion. His head spun, clouds filling his thoughts as he looked at his phone. He should call her… and hope that she didn't pick up… but she always picked up….

_Call her... No! Don't call her, cause she'll suck you back in!... Of course she will try, but you're stronger than that!... She may not even know what's going on either. How can I do this to her when she may be just as confused…. She wasn't there when you woke up was she? That means that she must know at least a little more than you do…. Well, it may not have even been Beckett who I had been with!..._

Grabbing a hold of the counter he collapsed to the floor, a puddle of emotions he'd never quite dealt with before. He'd never felt this way about either of his two ex-wives… and Kate had made it quite clear she wasn't interested in becoming more than just partners in solving crime. Yet, here he was… unsure of what to do because he didn't want to hurt her further than she already had been. He didn't know what she did, or didn't, know… and she didn't know anything about what he didn't know.

What was he supposed to do?

* * *

><p>Kate frowned as Castle didn't pick up, "Hey, Castle, we have a body. The Plaza Hotel. Is everything OK?" She hung up as she slid into her car. It wasn't like Castle to not pick up. Maybe he was already there, she had left him at the station, so he must have heard about the body through Esposito or Ryan.<p>

She pulled out of her parking spot and sped down the street with her siren blaring…. That was it, he already knew, so there wasn't reason for him to pick up… he was going to surprise her, as he done before. Though this time he must have forgotten she had seen him at the station.

Whizzing around a corner, she felt her stomach lurch, and the rush of bile. Pulling to the side of the road she threw open her passenger side door just in time to throw up into the grass on the side of the road, "Dammit!"

She spit before slamming the door closed and pulling back out into the lane, "Dammit!" She cursed again, thankful for once that Castle always tended to leave a napkin in the car when he rode with her. Using one to wipe her mouth, she slowed as she turned another corner before picking up speed again. Reaching into her cup holder she pulled out a tin of Altoids®. Strategically opening it with one hand, she dumped a few into her mouth, closed the tin, and returned it to the cup holder as she chewed on the mints. There wasn't anyway she was going to let the boys find out she had thrown up again.

Taking another corner slower than she wanted, she hit the gas once more and sped down the street to the corner where the hotel was. Coming to a stop, she killed the engine and stepped from the car. Flashing her badge at the officer on watch, she ducked under the tape that had been put around the front of the building, and made her way to Esposito who was talking to someone who probably worked in the hotel, "Esposito!"

The Latino looked at her before returning his attention to the man he was talking to, "Thanks for your help, I may need to speak with you again, but you can return to work." The man nodded before scurrying back inside the hotel.

"What have we got?"

"Ryan's up with the body, and Parish just arrived, so she should have just gotten there."

"All right, let's go."

"Eleventh floor, room five-forty. I'll be right up, there's one more person whom I need to speak with."

"All right, I'll see you up there then," Kate nodded before heading into the building.

"Oh, Beckett, where's Castle?"

"I don't know, he didn't answer his phone…. I thought he was here though, because I had left him at the station. Did you not see him?" Kate asked, stopping her trek to the elevator.

"No, I thought he was with you."

"I… have no idea then."

"Maybe Alexis called him home or something, I'll call again later."

"Good idea, I know that Ryan hasn't seen him either, so no need to ask him."

"Ok, I'll see you up at the body. Five-forty right?"

"Yea, five-forty."

* * *

><p>"Grams, do you think that dad heard me?"<p>

"No, if he had, he wouldn't have been so calm about it, you should know that. He gets flustered around Detective Beckett, and even with the shattered glass, he couldn't keep his composer that well."

"Yea… I guess so, but I also know that I never thought my father would get so drunk that he wouldn't be able to remember much of anything the next morning."

"Hmm… you're quite right, but there's a first for everything, and now I can practically bet my life on it that he'll never do it again."

"You can bet your life that I'll never do it, ever, let alone again. I would prefer to wake up knowing what I did the night before," Alexis heaved a sigh as she riffled through some dresses.

"Your father is a mystery, even to me, but whatever happened, and whatever may happen, it'll work out."

Alexis gave her grandmother a quizzical look, "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Look, Alexis, I know that you can see that Richard isn't totally himself, and I can almost guarantee the same with Kate. Now, I also know that you don't want to hear this, but, if they were intoxicated to the point of… having sex-"

"Ok, thanks Grams, conversation over, I don't want to hear it," Alexis turned and began to pay much closer attention to the dresses she had been looking at just moments before.

"Darling, it's not a crime to talk about sex."

"Well it should be if it involves your own dad!" Alexis hissed.

"Then I'll make it quick. If they were too intoxicated, they may not have been careful… and even if they had been careful… you still know what may become of it."

Alexis stopped her scrutinizing of the dresses before her, "I know… and the thought of it almost scares me…"

"Alexis? What do you mean?"

"What if…" Alexis swallowed hard as she swiped a tear from her cheek.

"Oh, he'd never replace you, never in a million years. He may become busier, he may become distracted, but you'll always be his one and done, his forever and ever. No one could ever replace you in his heart. You'll always be his little girl, even when your married with children of your own, he won't ever not think of you as his little girl. Even if there's a new little one running around, you'll always be his first."

"Then why am I afraid of possibly having a little brother or sister?"

"Because, you're afraid of what it might do to your father's relationship with Beckett. It's not as if it was the ideal way to conceive. I mean, you're probably a little afraid to share him, as well as a little jealous when the possible new arrival gets all the attention, but don't worry, you'll get over that."

"Will I?"

"Trust me, if it comes down to it, it'll get worse at first, but then you'll become just as excited, and the jealousy will go away. Now then, how about this dress?"

Alexis turned around to see the beautiful emerald green dress her mother was pointing too, "For what?"

"In case you need it for a bride's maid dress, you never know."

Alexis laughed a little, "If it comes to that, isn't it the bride's choice?"

"Ahh, I think you could work it out with the bride, I think she'd agree that it's utterly gorgeous." Martha laughed as she wrapped Alexis into a hug, "I have to tell you though, don't get hopeful, because you don't know if she's pregnant or not."

"Or if they'll keep the baby if she is," Alexis took a deep breath and released her grandmother.

"Now, that's something I don't think will happen. Richard would do everything to talk her out of it."

"But you also know that if whatever he does to talk her out of it doesn't work, that he'd support through whatever she decides."

"Yes, I know that too," Martha gave Alexis a small smile before they made their through the store.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:**  
><strong>POLL:<strong>

**Should Kate have Lanie do a blood test, or make an appointment... or neither? **

**(If neither, express your thoughts on what you feel she should do/what should happen)**

**Can't wait to hear what ya'll think. **

**Love,**

**CrazyBeCat**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N:  
><strong>**All right, here is Chapter 6. :D  
>I am very sorry it took me so long to update, but with everything that's going on around my house, it's very hard to find writing time. I'm hoping to have Chapter 7 up by next weekend, cause I have some of it written, but please don't get your hopes up.<br>I won't ever abandon my stories, (I still haven't abandoned Love Me Forever... but have run into a bad case of writer's block) but time between updates varies a lot.  
>Let me know if you catch a spellinggrammatical error, I didn't edit this chapter much cause I just wanted to get it up for you.**

**Oh... and there's a new concept... tell me what you think... and trust me if enough people seem to not like it, then I can remove it (shortening the chapter by a lot) but if you want to see where it goes, you won't be disappointed... I hope... cause I've got both situations all planned out.**

**Love you all,  
>CrazyBeCat <strong>

* * *

><p>Ch. 6<p>

_-Why have you brought me here? Why are you making me watch this? What on earth is going on?-_

_ -So you can see what has happened by what you have done. You have to find a way to fix it….-_

_ -Fix what? What am I supposed to do?-_

_ -You asked for things to change… it is up to you to change them, but I cannot tell you how, only show you what happened in history that can change, to change the event in time you wish not to happen.-_

_ -How do I fix something when I don't even know what I am supposed to fix?-_

_ -You will see, if you simply watch, and listen. It is up to you to decide how your future plays out. You asked for your life to change, and to change it means one must fix the past.-_

* * *

><p>"What have we got Lanie?" Kate asked as she stepped into the doorway of room five-forty.<p>

"Female, same M.O. And you won't believe who it is," Lanie said, using her eyes to tell Beckett not to enter the room further than she already had.

"What do you mean?"

"Someone who was supposed to be in for life but escaped a good six or seven months ago, and was never caught."

"No…"

"Yes, it really is."

"Man, I should have known she was involved in this!"

"No, because this isn't her style."

"I know that, but I should have put the pieces together. She busted out a month before this started. How did I not think of it before."

"Because you didn't, so don't beat yourself up over it. It's not as if you would have been able to find her anyway,' Lanie said matter-of-factly.

"All right, maybe that's true, but I still should have at least thought of it. I should have been a better detective, instead of skimming the possibilities. I didn't even think about going over anyone who had gotten out of prison on parole, let alone escaped serial killers!"

"Look, honey, there's not much else to do here. Everything's been swept a good four times over. Pictures are still being taken, but I would advise you to sweep it once yourself, just in case," Lanie raised her eyebrows, a clear sign that Beckett may become sick.

"Good to know, when I'm done with my sweep it would nice to talk to go over what we both saw, and our actions to further our research as we go back to recheck the other bodies." [Thanks for the warning, and I'd like to continue our conversation about what I'm going to do.]

"I'll make sure to be available." [You know damn right that we're going to talk.]

Kate smiled as she slipped her gloves on and made her way through the room. [I know, I'm not an idiot.]

* * *

><p>"Dad, we're home!" Alexis called as she pushed open the front door.<p>

"Hey, Alexis, how did the shopping go?" Castle asked as he grabbed a bag from her hand and placed it on the couch.

"It was great, got lots of clothes-"

"And a beautiful gown," Martha interjected.

Castle's eyebrows rose, "A gown? What for? What do you need a gown for?"

"Oh, I don't know, someone could ask me to a dance, or as a date to a wedding… who knows dad, the possibilities are endless. Besides, I had a coupon for the store, so why not use it?"

"This gown isn't white is it?" Castle asked suspiciously.

"No! Oh, heaven's no! Dad, I'm not even eighteen yet!" Alexis said, her eyes wide in shock that her father would even bring it up that she was getting married.

"Well, you're the one who brought up wedding, so don't go blaming me. You put the thought into my head."

"I didn't mean it that way!" Alexis rolled her eyes as she set her own bags down.

"Well, I get that now, but you just about gave me a heart attack!"

Alexis laughed at the look her father shot her way, "You're too stubborn to let a heart attack get the best of you. Besides, if you were to have a heart attack, who would look after me?"

Castle gasped, "You're right, your grandmother certainly isn't reliable," he said in mock realization, a towel smacking him in the face not even a full moment after the words tumbled from his mouth.

"So that's where you went wrong," Martha joked.

Castle laughed as he stepped to the DVD rack, "OK, what are we going to watch tonight?"

* * *

><p>Lanie didn't look up as the door to her morgue room swung open, instead she simply asked, "Come up with your decision yet? Or do I need to pin you down and decide for you?"<p>

"You're sure that you'll get the results by tomorrow?"

"Guaranteed, I'll even put the sample under a false name so the people down at the labs don't blab about anything the results may show."

"And you won't tell anyone?"

"Tell anyone? Honey, who would I want to tell, if I were to even think of telling?"

"Castle… if I decide not to tell him, if I decide not to keep the baby."

"Well, I'll be sure to tell you what I think of that decision, but overall, when it comes down to it, it's not my choice to make."

"Would…" Kate swallowed hard, "Lanie, would you do the blood test?"

"Of course I will, Kate, I said I would didn't I? Just hold on a minute so I can change gloves, and get the instruments I need."

Kate nodded, lifting herself onto one of the cleared and cleaned silver tables to wait as Lanie disappeared into the back storage room. Taking a deep breath she closed her eyes before releasing the trapped air…. Trapped… that's what she was, what it felt like for her to be sitting here. She felt like a caged animal, waiting for her chance to escape, waiting for life to return to normal.

Pulling out her phone, she frowned when it showed her that Castle had yet to call back. Maybe she'd stop by and see what if he was OK… her stomach churned… or maybe she'd just call again.

* * *

><p><em>-She's pregnant? So it really did happen. Why didn't she tell me? I could have helped her. How did I miss this?-<br>_

_ -It is not my job to tell you what you did wrong, or to tell you the past that you have not seen, that is for you to find out, so you can choose to change the outcome. You wished for life to change, and your past is what decided the future, so find what you did wrong.-_

_ -How am I supposed to change anything?-_

_ -Try something… if it doesn't work then try something else. I am simply an Angel of Time, I can't tell you what you're supposed to do, I just take people into the past or future… not many get a chance like this, use it wisely..-_

_ -What type of drug am I on? This is… this is crazy. How am I supposed to change the past? Won't it damage the cycle of life?-_

_ -Would you prefer to not have your wish granted of being able to change what happened?-_

_ -… No, I want to be able to stop it from happening… but I'm afraid to find out how it will play out… what if it gets worse.-_

_ -Life is like a fire… do you wish to play?-_

_ -I… I'll play with fire. Show me what I'm supposed to see.-_

* * *

><p>Castle heaved a frustrated sigh as he collapsed upon his bed. It still felt weird to have his room upstairs, especially after having it downstairs for so long… but he had wanted a second office, one that Alexis could use if she needed too, and had thought it would be better downstairs than up.<p>

Alexis had even agreed to the idea, it would give her more space to store her stuffed animals that she refused to get rid of, as well as other various things she had mentioned but he had long since forgotten. She had also brought up the idea that if she were to have an office, that when she came to visit from college she could stay longer because she had the room to work.

He ran a hand over his face… he was losing his daughter, and he was losing his partner…. What had he done to deserve it?

Turning onto his stomach he buried his face into his pillow. He had just finished watching the world's sappiest chick flick, in attempt to get a certain detective off his mind, but only found that it made him want to go back to see Kate even more… something of which he couldn't do.

He buzzed his lips together as he thought of other activities he could do to distract himself. What could he do to get her off his mind? He sighed again… he didn't have a bloody clue.

Castle jumped a little when his phone began to ring, dragging him from his thoughts. Beckett was calling… the ring tone he had selected for her was playing, drilling itself into his brain. Should he just answer? Tell her he had to go somewhere, which is why he left?

He missed hearing her voice…. Against his better judgment, he answered the phone, "Castle."

"Hey, where were you earlier?" Castle felt his heart melting at the concern in her voice.

"Well, as I was waiting for her to return from Lanie's, I came to realize how Alexis is going to be going to college soon, where I won't be able to see her as often. I need to spend time with her before she goes-"

_-No! You must go to her, Alexis will never leave you!-_

Castle paused, shaking his head at the voice he thought he heard… " off to school… in another state…" he made it seem like he had meant to pause… no need to worry her.

"All right, I'll tell the boys, they were wondering where you had gone as well."

"Sounds good."

"You'll be coming back though right? When she's gone?" He swore there was a pleading tone to her voice… as if she were desperate for him to come back.

"Hmm… oh, I might. I'm a little behind on some writing, and so I should catch up."

"How long do you think you'll be gone?" He heard her swallow, and his heart shattered.

"I don't know, but I can imagine how happy Gates will be."

_-Don't stay away from her! Go back to her! Don't you know that she loves you too?-_

Castle looked around the room… who was taking to him… what the hell was going on….

"-see you sometime then."

He cursed himself for not listening to her reply, "Yea, I'll see you around, it's not as if I'm going to disappear. Look, I've got to go, making dinner."

"All right, bye Castle."

The broken pieces of his shattered heart crumbled into dust… "Good-bye Kate."

* * *

><p><em>-That's what I did wrong… I left. The one thing I thought I was doing right, turned out to be the worst idea I'd ever come up with…-<em>

_ -How shall you choose to fix it, if this is what you must fix?-_

_ -I will get him to go back, or get her to go to him. But I can't let them stay apart… or he will go through the pains of what I went through… and haven't gotten over.-_

_ -Then I shall allow you free range to explore.-_

_ -You're leaving?-_

_ -No, for I am not allowed to leave your side… but I shall take you to where you wish to go so long as it is appropriate, and it plays a part it what you wish to change.-_

_-I need to go back to see what is going on between Lanie and Kate.-_

* * *

><p>Lanie taped a small cotton ball across the needle prick, "All right, you know the drill, keep pressure on the point and allow it time to clot before taking off the cotton. Worried about people asking questions, then wear a jacket, but seriously, it's a little blood test, you don't have to tell them anything more than that."<p>

Kate nodded, "Thanks, Lanie, for everything."

"You're welcome, Kate," Lanie smiled as she put the tube of blood into a holder she had in a fridge, "I'll take it down to the lab, but we need to talk."

"I don't know what I'm going to do," Kate spoke, voicing the answer to the question Lanie had yet to have asked.

"Then let me tell you what you should do-"

"Lanie-"

Kate cut in with a pleading tone, but the M.E. plowed on through, "Whether or not you are pregnant, you need to bring this up with Castle. The sooner the better, for both of you."

"So what? He'll tell me I'm crazy for saying…" Kate bit her tongue… Lanie didn't know there was no doubt it was Castle's baby… if she was actually pregnant…

"For saying what?" Lanie eyed her suspiciously, "Kate, what aren't you telling me?"

Kate sat silently, swallowing hard and avoiding the Latina's gaze, for a few minutes before sighing and mumbling softly, "It… it was… it was Castle, ok."

"What are you talking about? Girl, you expect me to be able to hear when you speak like that?"

"It was Castle!" She practically jumped from the chair she was in, "I slept with Castle…" her voice broke as her hands slapped gently against her legs before she raised one to wipe her eye, "I woke up in his bed, lying next to him naked. I had a massive hangover, and I still can't remember anything from that night before we went to the bar and started talking with the guy we were there with…." Kate sat back down and rested her forehead into her hands, "But, if I'm pregnant, then he's the father, there isn't anyway he isn't."

"Oh God… you actually drank?" Lanie exclaimed, "I thought it was an undercover assignment! It was undercover right? Why would you actually drink?"

"It was undercover, and we… we weren't actually drinking at first, we were sipping slowly. Castle even was able to pour some out… but the guy started to stop knocking them back, so Castle dared him that he could drink more than me and the suspect," Kate's voice cracked as she looked up at Lanie with watery eyes.

"We started a contest. OK? And the guy started knocking them back again, but so did we, we had to… to keep up appearances," She took a deep breath and furrowed her brow in frustration, "The bartender was there as well, filling us up like there was no tomorrow, and had a guy from the back come out to take care of the rest of the customers."

"So what happened with the guy? Forget about the bartender, he's just in for the tips and a good story."

"The guy? He gave up," she took a second to think, "told us that Castle had won. He'd given us the pitiful information that we needed… eliminating him from our list… his alibi checked out…" Kate narrowed her eyes, "and he took off. Took off, wobbly and drunk… said he had to call a cab… that's basically all I can remember. I don't remember when Castle and I left, or when we got to his loft or what happened while we were there…."

"God, girlfriend, if you were that drunk… hell, you two could have been at it all night!"

Kate glared, "Thanks so much for making me feel better. You could have just said we watched movies, got warm and decided to sleep naked. I sleep naked when it's hot."

"Yea, but you woke up next to Castle naked, after being drunk… unable to remember anything…"

"You aren't helping any! For God's sake, be a little more concerned!"

Lanie hid a snicker before she cleared her throat and spoke, "I'm sorry… please continue… what do you remember from when you woke up?"

"I remember… that his room was upstairs. But I remember from a while back that it was downstairs. He wanted to show me a new painting he'd gotten…. A-"

"Ok, don't get off topic here. There's not a damn thing, girl, that you shouldn't be doing in order to learn what Castle remembers."

"Right, because that's going to be a fun conversation. 'Rick, do you somehow remember the night we both got drunk, and I woke up to find our clothes all over the living room, and then left before you woke up? You do? Well, now I'm pregnant. Surprise, and congratulations," Kate said sarcastically, her voice cracking.

"Hold on? Your clothes were all over the living room? Woo, girl, there's no doubt you two lovebirds did the deed-"

"Shut up, Lanie! Please, you don't need to make me any sicker to my stomach than I already am!" She paused a minute, fiercely swiping at the tears sliding down her cheeks, "Remember… if I decide to bring this up, I'm the one who has to tell him, not you!"

"You think it's gonna be easy for him, though? What if he's in the same situation."

Kate rolled her eyes, "I think it's pretty impossible for him to be in the same situation I'm in."

It was Lanie's turn to glare, "You know what I mean. He may not remember anything either."

"Or he does, which would make the conversation even worse than if he doesn't," Kate frowned and ran a hand across her abdomen.

"Would you rather him somehow find out years later from now? How do you think that would make him feel?" Lanie asked matter-of-factly. Kate opened her mouth but Lanie continued, "There's nothing you can say that will make me agree with you not talking to him!"

"You, yourself said it was my choice! You said it was not your decision to make!" Kate snapped.

"That doesn't mean I have to agree, and not butt in to tell you when you're being stupid! It just means I won't be the one to go behind your back and tell him…." Lanie spoke in a paternal manner, "I told you that I was going to tell you what I thought about these choices you are planning to make. I told you that I would be sure to tell you what I felt about your choices."

"I'm not a damn child, Lanie! I can make my own damn choices!" Kate's voice hitched as irritation began to seep into her core.

"Then you could just have made the choice to have gone to your regular MD! I told you that I was gonna tell you what I thought, so don't go barking up my tree! I'm not the one who slept with Writer Boy."

"You really want to go there?" Kate snapped

"Kate, no… I don't… I'm sorry, that-"

"I'm not the one who broke up with my boyfriend because someone brought up marriage! I'm not the one who had a gay escort just to make the guy I broke up with jealous!"

"And what's wrong with having a date who's gay? He was, and still is, an extremely nice guy. I was quite happy I did not to have to sit at the single's table. Don't forget that you were Castle's plus one, and he was ours…"

"Only after Alexis turned him down, and neither of us wanted to sit at the single's table. It worked out quite fine cause he had the seat next to him already open…. And if you really think you can get all um-hmm with me, you'd better be prepared for what I've got to say to you."

"You know what? Fine, I'm not going to do this with you. Here's the number of a friend of mine. She a great OB, and cause you know me, you can get a few privileges. I've got work to do. Cerline's body isn't just gonna examine itself."

"Fine, I've got case stuff to work on anyway," Kate snatched the card from Lanie's hand before angrily storming from the room.

* * *

><p>Alexis looked up from her desk, her dad standing there with tears in his eyes, "Dad? What's the matter."<p>

Her dad jumped about a foot into the air, surprise in his features as he swiped at his cheeks. His lips moved… but she didn't hear any sound. Confused, she cocked her head to the side, "Come on dad, that's not funny. If you're just here to waste time, then I've got work to do."

"Beck-" she strained her ears… was he losing his voice, or was his voice breaking because of his crying? She studied him closer, eyes widening as she realized that there wasn't anyway this was her dad. He was older, slightly gray just at the bottom edges, his eyes were worn and sorrowful, his lips tipped in a frown...

"Who… who are you? What have you done with my dad!" She stood from her desk and grabbed her letter opener, "What are you doing here?"

The man put his hands in the air, fear and took a step back, "… hurt… you…."

Alexis clenched her eyes shut and screamed as loud as she could, "Daddy!" Before she could take another breath, she could hear heavy feet pounding upstairs.

The man's eyes widened, but he didn't move, he stood there, clearly stricken with confusion, "No… you… Alexis."

He knew her name! How did he know her name! "Daddy!" She screamed again, she could hear his pounding getting louder, and closer.

"Alexis! What is it! Alexis!" Castle shouted, coming into view of the room.

"Daddy, what is he doing here? What type of sick joke is this?" She sobbed as dropped her letter opener.

Castle looked around, confusion setting into his features, just as it had the other man, "Who? Alexis, there's no one here."

"Can you not see him? Are you blind? He's right there!" She pointed to the man standing in the corner with a worried expression.

Her dad swiveled his head to look, and let out a hearty laugh after a few seconds, "Good one, Alexis, you really got me. I should have known."

"What are you talking about?"

"Scaring me back after I terrified you the other week."

"Dad? Do you not see him!" She said again.

"OK, joke or not, it's late. You shouldn't be up until one in the morning. It'll mess with your sleep cycle. Come on, I'll tuck you in," Castle chuckled as he wrapped her into a big bear hug.

"I'm not joking dad! Someone was here! And he looked like an older version of you, as if someone had guessed what you might look like in three or five years," she spoke into his flannel pajama shirt.

"Well, whatever it was, you're clearly very tired, ready to go to bed?"

She nodded her head and looked up at him, "I guess it couldn't have been some time of sleep deprivation hallucination, or something."

"Sounds like it," Castle pulled her into a side hug as they trudged from her office and up the stairs.

"Offer still up for you to tuck me in?" Alexis yawned, a childish smile tugging at her lips as her cheeks became a rosy pink.

Castle chuckled again as they turned to head to her room, "Always. You're my baby girl, and even when you're forty, you'll still be my one and done, my partner in my dynamic duo. The one and only, the spoiled not-so-brat daughter."

Alexis laughed heartily, though she felt like crying at his words, "Where did you go wrong?"

Castle shook his head as she climbed into her bed, "No, where did I go right? To spoil you as much as I did, and have you turn out this amazing… I still don't believe it."

Alexis smiled and pulled him down to her, planting a kiss to his forehead, "I love you dad."

He pulled the blankets up around her and returned the forehead kiss, "I love you too sweetheart. Sweet dreams."

"You too, dad," Alexis waited till her door was closed before finding herself breakdown into silent, uncontrollable tears.

She was his one and only… and yet there was a chance that would change, and he didn't even seem to know it… and she didn't want it to happen. She didn't want him to have someone else. They were a dynamic duo… how could they remain as such if there was someone else who needed his attention just as much… if not more? She'd always been top priority. If she was sick, he stayed home… or well… didn't write unless she was asleep. If she had a concert he would be there to watch. When she had a presentation, he was in the front row… how would anything ever be normal again if Kate were to have a baby? How would anything ever remain normal if Castle were to be a part of her life, and the baby's life?

Alexis made a small choking noise; why would he have to worry, because she's off and leaving for college. She was breaking up their 'dynamic duo' anyway. It didn't matter what happened, because she wasn't going to be there. What did she have to be worried about, cause she wasn't even going to be around if Kate was pregnant. There wasn't anything she could do, or complain about, because she herself was breaking up her relationship with her dad, simply by going to another state, so how could she expect him to hold up his end if he had another child running around in his life?

Alexis wiped away a few tears and took a deep breath, but continued to sniffle before she succumbed to sleep.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N:  
><strong>**I AM SOOOOOOO SOOOOO SOOOOOOO SOOOO SOOOOO SOOOO SOOOOOO SOOOOOO SOOOOO SORRY! SSSSSSSSSOOOOOO SSSSSSSOOOOOOO SOOOOOOOOO SORRY! SORRY! SORRY! SORRY! I AM SORRY, SORRY, SORRY! YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW SORRY I AM! THIS DOESN'T EVEN COVER HOW SORRY I AM, I AM SOOO SOOO SOOOO SOOOOO SOOOOO SOOOOO SOOOOOOOO SOOOOO SOOOOOOO SOOOOOO SOOOOO SORRY!**

**OK... Here is chapter Seven. After a long time, I know... and like I said ^ I am really sorry. First I came down with the flu and couldn't do anything, and my grades started to suffer, so I had to bring them back up. Then my internet wasn't working, then I got caught up in something that my friend was dealing with... and I had a relapse into my own issues, and yea, just a whole lot of hell, and it's not over, but I was finally able to get a few days of peace, where I could wallow my sorrows temporarily with Castle and Fanfiction. (You can see in this chapter... that I was kind working out my sadness... so yea...)  
>Not actually as long as I wanted, but since I'm now supposed to be packing cause I have to go someplace, I'm getting yelled at as I type this, so I have to finish typing and go pack.<strong>

**OK, in this chapter, you're wonderings about the last chapter will be (hopefully) mostly satisfied. PLEASE let me know what you think. Either in a review, or in a private message, I don't care. If you don't like it, I can change it, or maybe post two versions for those who do... but I would love to know what you think about it.**

**I love you all... **

**I don't even want to guess when I might have the next chapter up, I have no idea, and I'm so sorry. I wish I was better with it all, but it's really hard, and I'm really sorry.**

**I hope I do the characters justice. **

**Let me know what you think. **

**LOVE YOU ALL  
>CrazyBeCat <strong>

* * *

><p>Ch. 7<p>

_He watched as Alexis worked, her bottom lip tucked between her teeth as she thought. How he missed having her around the house. She was all the way in Texas… why she chose Texas, he didn't have a clue, but that didn't change how much he missed her being around. She was always busy with her classes, barely had time to even send a text, let alone call anymore, or write him a letter. He hadn't seen her for a year because over Christmas vacation she was getting ahead in one of her subjects so she could move ahead to the next level._

_ He studied her fiery hair, and reminisced about how he loved watching her bouncing around the house especially when she was still in elementary school. He missed her smiles, and even that single comment that would shed an unseen light on a case he was working with Beckett._

_ Beckett… his eyes began to water… how it pained him to be here in the past, watching what tragedies had led up to her death. He could have stopped it, he could have helped prevent her death… just simply by staying. By doing the opposite of what he had thought was right. He shouldn't have cut off his connections with her, he shouldn't have totally distanced himself._

_ He didn't move when Alexis looked up for had gotten used to people not being about to see him, but jumped in shock when she spoke_, "Dad? What's the matter."

_ -You can see me?- He asked._

_ She tilted her head to the side, probably more confusion spread across her face than he himself felt,_ "Come on dad, that's not funny. If you're just here to waste time, then I've got work to do."

_-Beckett's pregnant, you have to get your dad to go back to her.- He shouted. _

_ Her eyes narrowed a little before widening, _"Who… who are you? What have you done with my dad!"_ She stood from her desk, grabbing the letter opener he had gotten her as a birthday present, as she shouted,_ "What are you doing here?"

_He put his hands into the air and took a step back, fearful of what was going through her head… he was her dad… so maybe he looked a little older, but not more than a year… though it felt so much longer since after he had heard of Kate's death… he even had some gray hairs. -Whoa hold on, I'm not going to hurt you! What's gotten into you?"_

_ She clenched her teeth before closing her eyes and screaming, his eyes widened but he didn't move, he was too confused, too taken aback by the fact that she could see him, _"Daddy!"

_ He could hear footsteps pounding down the stairs almost instantly. He always was a light sleeper, had always been a light sleeper, which came in handy during times like this… his whole core shook as he tired not to run to Alexis and comfort her… there was no way his past would be down the stairs in more than a minute, it didn't matter how tired he was… a scream like that coming from Alexis…. -No, I'm not going to hurt you! I'm trying to save myself, uh, your dad, from pain, Alexis.-_

_ She screamed again and the footsteps pounding down the stairs grew faster, louder, and closer._

"Alexis! What is it! Alexis!" _His past shouted as he came into view of the room._

"Daddy, what is he doing here? What type of sick joke is this?" _Alexis began to sob as she dropped her letter opener._

"Who? Alexis, there's no one here."_ His past couldn't see him? Then how could Alexis? How could his past not see him? He was him… they were one and the same._

"Can you not see him? Are you blind? He's right there!" _She pointed to him, and his past turned to look, but clearly didn't see him… and started laughing, _"Good one, Alexis, you really got me. I should have known."

"What are you talking about?"_ She looked back to her present father, and he took his chance to run from the office to where the Angel of Time had decided to wait._

_ -How can she see me?-_

_ The Angel of Time stood from the chair it had been sitting in, -She has a tie to you. Something within you wished that she could see. You may say that you didn't, but that's what happened. In many cases it doesn't work when the past is awake, but there are a few rare occasions where the past can see the future while awake.-_

_ He let it sink in as an idea slowly came to him. -Take me back to Kate.-_

_ -Of Course.-_

* * *

><p>Kate stared at her tile counter for what felt like hours before pulling the number she had gotten from Lanie out of her pocket.<p>

Since she was already waiting for her blood test results, there was no reason to go to her regular medical doctor, but that didn't mean anything else she had to do was any easier. Just because she was able to skip a step and go straight to an OB didn't mean anything was going to honestly be simpler.

Sighing heavily she closed her eyes for a moment before grabbing her phone and quickly dialing in the number. She hesitated, her finger resting on the send button, a tear slithering down her cheek, before she pressed the button and put her phone to her ear, dreading the moment the ringing stopped and someone would pick up.

Another tear slipped down her cheeks as a cheerful voice spoke, "Hello, this is Doctor Stephens' office, I'm Lori, how may I help you?"

Kate swore her heart stopped beating as her mouth became dry, "I'd…" she choked out, "I'd like to… make an… appointment…. Doctor Lanie Parish said that Stephens was the best OB I could wish for-"

"Lanie Parish? Why, I'll be right back, Carly would surely care to speak to you herself."

"No, it's ok, I just need an appointment, you don't need to bother her."

"She won't be bothered. Anything for a friend of Parish's," Kate could hear the phone being put down and sighed… all she needed was a freaking appointment, she didn't need any of this 'friend of a friend' bullshit.

A moment later a less peppy, but still friendly, voice spoke, "Hi, I'm Carly Stephens. My nurse failed to get your name," she chuckled, "but it's great to hear that Lanie's still kicking. Haven't heard from her in a while."

"I'm Beckett- Kate. Kate Beckett, and I'd like to schedule an appointment."

"I can't imagine why you'd be calling otherwise," Kate swore she could feel the smile from the other woman, and her nerves began to settle a little, "did Lanie do a blood test for you? She did it once before with a woman she recommended me to."

"Yea, she promised I'd have the results sometime tomorrow," Beckett replied.

"Great to hear, I can get you in at seven if you'd like? I know it's around dinner time, but I can imagine you haven't been feeling like eating, so maybe eating a little earlier or later will turn out to be better for you."

"Seven, yea, I'll be able to get there, but what if I don't have the results by then?"

"Don't worry, I'll badger Lanie about making sure they get in a little sooner. It'll be good to call her up anyway, see how she's doing."

Kate's lips twitched into a small smile at the teasing subtext of the woman's voice, "All right, what time should I get there?"

"Six-thirty, to give you plenty of time to fill out forms and such, if I can get you in a little before seven, it'll be good for you to be there. Because it's your first visit, it'll take a little longer than normal, but you'll most likely be out before eight."

"Great, sounds great."

"I'll be waiting to meet you tomorrow Kate Beckett. Have a good night."

"You too," Kate replied, a little less nervous about the whole thing, before hanging up.

* * *

><p>Lanie smiled as Esposito walked into her morgue with a plump yellow rose, "Javier Esposito, what on earth are you doing here at this hour?" She laughed at the mock hurt look he flashed her.<p>

"I thought I'd ask my lovely girlfriend to come to dinner with me," Esposito grinned as he wrapped his arms around Lanie and planted a passionate kiss to her lips. Pulling away he presented her with the rose, "A flower for you."

"Why thank you, Javi. I'm flattered, and would love to have dinner with you."

"Chinese?"

"You bet," Lanie smiled. grabbing her purse before tangling her fingers with his and walking out of the morgue with her cheek against his shoulder. Sighing when her phone rang, she didn't let go of Javier's hand as she dug through her purse to find her phone, "Lanie Parish."

"Hey you, it's been a long time since we've talked. You available Brainy?"

Lanie laughed at her long-since-used nickname, "Carly! Great to hear from you, I'd love to talk, but I've got dinner plans."

"Ooo, a boy huh? All right, I won't keep you busy, but just wanted to ask if you would speed up Kate's results."

"I'm already speeding them up, it's hard to get them to go faster, it takes a while, you know that."

"Yea I know, but she's got an appointment for seven."

"In the morning?" Lanie exclaimed as she stepped onto the elevator.

"No, brainy, in the evening. Can you make sure they're ready before six thirty?"

Lanie took a minute to think, "Yea. Yea, I can have them by six thirty. No problem."

"All right, fantastic. Talk to you some time soon?"

"Yea, maybe we can get some coffee," Lanie replied before hanging up.

"What was that about?" Javier asked as they stepped from the elevator and headed to his car.

"A friend of mine from med school. I'm running a test for a friend of hers who contacted me, and she called to see when I could get them to her," Lanie smiled, lying easily since it wasn't her information to tell. He'd find out soon enough if Kate was pregnant and decided to keep the baby.

Javier chuckled, "She seemed to give you a bit of a scare."

"Yea, but I had heard her wrong, it's all good." Lanie cuddled a little closer to Javier, and he wrapped his arm over her shoulder, "Burrr… it's cold. I forgot my coat in the lab."

"Don't worry, I've got an extra jacket in the trunk." Esposito smiled as he opened the passenger side door and handed her the keys, "Here turn on the engine to start warming it up a little, and pop the back."

"Sure thing," Lanie gave him a small kiss before sliding into the car. Shivering as her back touched the cold seat, she rubbed her arms, taking her time before putting the key into the ignition. Shifting her position she reached over and pulled the small lever that released the trunk lock.

As she was about to move back, her boyfriend's voice called out, "Don't move! Lanie! Don't move!"

* * *

><p>Esposito smiled as Lanie pressed a kiss to his lips before he circled around the back to get his jacket from the trunk. As he waited for Lanie to pop the trunk for him, he noticed something on the ground sticking out from beneath his car. Worry coursing through him he dropped to the asphalt his eyes seeing what he had hoped wasn't there just as the back popped open, "Don't move! Lanie! Don't move!" His eyes widened in horror at the sight of the bomb duct-tapped beneath the driver's seat of the car.<p>

Pulling out his phone he dialed in dispatch as he went back to the passenger side of the car, "This is detective Javier Esposito of the NYPD, I need the bomb squad at the M.E.'s office off main street," He saw Lanie's eyes widen at his words and he looked away, needing to keep his voice from trembling, "Yes, my girlfriend is in the car, leaning against the driver's seat," he paused, "It has to be pressure oriented, it is directly underneath the driver's seat. I know about bombs, but I'm not any good with them, and don't want to risk anything going wrong."

"Javier Esposito, this had better be a sick joke," Lanie's voice was strong, teasing, but he could tell out of the corner of his eye that she was falling apart.

"Baby, just don't move OK? Everything's going to be fine. I'm not going to sugarcoat the situation, but I'm not going to let anything happen to you, and you won't be alone if something does happen," he replied before addressing the person on the phone again, "Please, make sure they get here soon, I don't have a clue about what this bomb may be capable of, and I would like to have my girlfriend around for a good long while."

Javier hung up before moving to the passenger side of his car, "So there's a bomb… under the car?" Lanie asked, not looking at Esposito.

"Yes, there is." Javier swallowed, "Lanie… My God… I'm so sorry."

She gave a shattered chuckle, "Hey, just heating up the date, no worries, I'll be fine until the squad gets here."

Esposito nodded, though he knew she couldn't actually see the movement, "Want me to call-"

"Nah-uh, you are not calling Ryan, Castle, or Beckett. You got that? They are not hearing about this until it is long since over and done with. I do not need those three bustling about like crows."

He attempted to snicker, but it sounded more like chalk being scraped down a chalkboard, "All right, I won't be calling anyone, and I won't be leaving your side."

"Oh you'd better not," Lanie tried to tease, "cause if you dare try, I will bl-" she stopped short and changed the subject, "Can I tell you something, that you have to swear to all you care about you won't go telling to anyone?"

"Yea, you can tell me," he replied, happy for the change of subject.

"I think Beckett might decide to make a move."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean with Rick. I think she's finally starting to turn around and face it."

"What gave you that impression?"

"Just a hunch, really, but I hope it's true, they're driving us all crazy," Lanie replied, her tone lighter than before.

"You've got that right," He replied, taking her free hand in his, careful not to bump her so she wouldn't shift against the driver's seat.

"I love you," Lanie spoke after a moment of silence.

"I love you too, don't forget to tell me again tomorrow though," he answered.

"I won't, it'll be the first thing on my to do list."

"Good, cause the bomb squad should be here very soon," Esposito said as he glanced at his phone, watching the time tick away slowly.

* * *

><p><em>He took a deep breath as he paced across her floor. -Look at me! Please, look at me. Please, Kate, look at me.- He stopped moving, thinking of how much he loved her, how much he couldn't stand being away from her. -Please, Kate, listen to your heart. See me.-<em>

_ Kate's gazed shifted from her wine glass that she had just finished draining the grape juice from, and locked with his, "Castle…"_

_ -Yes! Oh, thank God, you can see me!- He cried, moving towards her._

_ "has left you, and you're stuck with the consequences," Kate's voice cracked and moved away from his direction, eyeing her actual wine rack._

_ -No! No! Kate… I know you saw me. I know you can see me. Please, look at me again!-_

_ "He's gone, and you're the one who has to pay the possible price," she swiped a tear from her face and grabbed the carton of grape juice, not even caring to pour it into the glass so she could pretend to drink away her sorrows._

_ -Kate, go to him, and I… he won't push you away. He will welcome you with open arms. He doesn't know you aren't pushing him away! Kate, please, you have to hear me. You have to see me! Please! Look at me!- He fell to his knees sobbing, pleading for her to do the smart thing and fix their relationship._

_ "What would be the point in ruining my career for a baby? I'm not married. I'm not even in a relationship with him, other than his muse…" Kate continued to speak out loud, like she always did when looking at a murder board, trying to figure out what piece didn't fit, and it ripped at his heart to see her breathing, to think that in less than a year she was to be violently torn from the world._

_ He'd been an idiot, and it cost him more than the world would offer him twice. He'd lost the most wonderful woman, the biggest piece to his heart, the woman whom he wanted to hold in his arms and claim as his own, whisper in her ear the wonderful words that only he could tell her. He had finally found his happily ever after… after two failed attempts, he knew that she would be the one, and it had been his fault that he broke it off._

_ It was his fault for not being there when she died. He was the only one to blame for her death. He should have been there. Should have stuck by her side. Instead, he left, and didn't take her calls, or answer his door, or see that most obviously she wasn't trying to push him away._

_ Why couldn't he have cleared his head for a minute, to come to the obvious conclusion that she was still trying to talk to him, so she hadn't wanted him to leave when he did. In fact, she wanted him there, to be with her, only because he hadn't been there, the end result was her death, and his not hearing about it for a month after when Lanie called him to ask about being part of the funeral._

_ He placed his head to the wood floor, listening to her list off the reasons how he had shattered her heart as well as his own, each word like a knife being stabbed into his gut, and he took a shuttering breath when she stopped._

_ Kate scoffed, swirling her glass, despite the liquid being absent, "But I love him."_

_ He looked up, slashing away the tears from his eyes, "You… you loved me? You loved me too?"_

* * *

><p>Esposito took a deep breath as he looked at the leader of the bomb squad, "Hold on… you're telling me, that the only way this bomb isn't going to kill one of us is if we can move away from the car in less than four seconds."<p>

"To cut the wires would trip the bomb, we have no way of removing the bomb without causing it to go off. Whoever planted this is good, really good, though careless because you were able to find it. At least if you pull her out, you've got a small window of time."

"Javier, please, you've had him tell you that four times, the situation isn't going to change, and I'm getting awfully sore from staying still."

Javier ran a hand down his face, "All right. OK. Get everyone on your team back."

"You don't want one of my boys to help you pull her out?"

"She's only got one free hand, no point in crowding and injuring someone for no reason."

"All right. Good luck," the man replied before addressing his people in a loud voice, "Everyone move back! Move back to the edge of the parking lot, and be ready to move once the bomb goes off. Get the ambulance ready to move, and the hospital ready and waiting. Every second in crucial!"

The man got a jumbled reply of 'Yes sir's, and in less than a minute, Lanie and Esposito were the only two remaining in close range to the vehicle.

A lump in his throat and tears in his eyes, Esposito took a deep breath and turned in a circle, a steely emotion replacing his frantic one, "You ready?"

"Never better," Lanie answered as he took her hand in his and slowly wrapped one arm around her side.

"Keep your head down low, when I get to three, launch yourself out as I pull you out. Don't worry about hurting me, better alive with a broken back than dead. Give it all you've got, and don't even think about going soft. Slam into me to help throw us backwards. OK?" He stated matter-of-factly.

"I love you."

"I love you too."

"We didn't call anyone."

"Better they not be here."

"Right…" she choked on a sob, "I'm ready."

"One," He tightened his grip.

"Two," she tightened hers, closed her eyes, and clenched her teeth together.

"Three," Esposito gave a broken cry as he used every once in him to yank her from the car, her body slamming into his as she pushed off the seat, curling into his body with the force of a cannon, flinging them both through the air.

Timed seemed to slow. His heart was pounding. His ears were ringing. His breathing was heavy. He could feel Lanie's warm body curled against him, her tears staining his shirt.

_Dear God. _He thought. _Get her out of this alive._

* * *

><p><strong>AN: *ducks beneath a flipped over table* I KNOW I'M SORRY! ONE OF THE WORST CLIFFHANGERS EVER! I AM SORRY! PLEASE, DON'T MOB TOGETHER AND HUNT ME DOWN, I'LL TRY MY HARDEST TO GET THE NEXT CHAPTER UP SOON!**


	8. AUTHOR'S NOTE

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

**I understand that there are people who are becoming impatient because I have been unable to upload any new chapters to either "Love Me Forever" or "Love You Through It".**

**This is to show you how busy I have been. Presently I should be asleep or doing homework I have been unable to get down. But I see that there is a concern that I need to appease.**

**Let me go in order:**

**I was gone for a month and a half without access to time for writing**

**My grandmother died**

**My best friend moved hundreds of thousands of miles away because of her parents' divorce**

**My great-uncle died**

**My great-aunt died**

**My cousin committed suicide**

**My aunt almost died**

**My problems with self-harm got worse**

**School started**

**People were spreading rumors**

**I got into a relationship, and the girl was only using me a fucking joke.**

**I had to have several meetings with school admins to figure out what was going on**

**I was forced to sit in a room with my parents and tell them I self-harm. They still only partially acknowledge that I am not mentally sound.**

**My best friend almost died in a car accident**

**I was able to pound out a few miserable, dark, and depressing One-Shots for Once Upon A Time while trying not to carve into my wrists with a kitchen knife.**

**I decided that there was already enough darkness in my Castle stories that more would not end well and everyone would just end up dead, which wouldn't make anyone happy**

**My therapist discussed with my parents about putting me on anti-depressants and they flipped because they feel that I don't need them, but in fact, I believe that maybe I do.**

**Some people I thought were my friends decided they wanted to join in the rumors.**

**My parents still have a time limit on my computer, because I do not have my own, it is a shared desk-top that crashes at least twice a week.**

**My brother, after getting into an argument with me, retaliated by dumping my flash-drive into a bucket of water.**

**My parents are still treating me as if I'm worthless, and as if I am not emotionally troubled.**

**I carved deep enough I almost thought I may have needed to go to the hospital, but I was able to get the bleeding to stop. My parents don't know because they don't listen to me. I almost tried to tell them, but they just ignored me, then called me selfish because I had interrupted their conversation.**

**So yea...**

**I've been busy. I get that some people may be impatient, and I _s__i_n_c_e_r_l_y_ ****a_p_o_l_o_g_i_z_e that the cruelness of life has gotten in my way.**

**So yea...**

**I'm hanging on the edge, my therapist is almost ready to tell my parents to institutionalize me, which would take me away for even longer. So, please, how about I work on my sanity before I try to work on my stories. Because my sanity is where I will find the ability to write anything but death, suicide, murder, pain, misery, and destruction. **

**Sure, I write a lot of that... but at least there's some happiness throughout... but when I tried working on chapter 8 of LYTI? You wanna know what happened? I killed Lanie, and Javie, and then Ryan got shot, and Kate got hit by a car and died, and then Castle in his insanity got drunk and blew himself away. IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT? HUH? No... didn't think so. So soo_orr_y I decided not to post it.**

**My life has taken a rapid spin for the worst, and I'm just starting to dig myself out. I'm just starting to unbury myself. I don't need comments from people saying 'DON'T JUST SAY YOU'RE BUSY!'  
>Because you know what? I write for me. I love to share it, I love sharing and having others read. <em>BUT I WRITE FOR ME!<em>**

**What I write is FOR ME! A sense of hidden reality that helps me grasp at what I will never have. But right now, the only thing I'm grasping at is life, and that makes me write about death. If you want that, then fine. I'll post that. But I'm not the most sound of mind as of present, but decided that maybe my thoughts and graphic displays of hacking away at body parts would not be the most appropriate.  
><strong>

**So here you go. This is for those who have been complaining. This is for you to see that you're adding to my misery. Do you think that I don't know you guys want me to upload more? Do you think I enjoy not being able to write and finish my stories?**

**I do hope you understand,**

**With love,**

**CBCMH**


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